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Our 1,186th Edition
November 16th, 2018

Don't forget--this is the weekend we turn the bathroom scales back 10-pounds

A Dutch man has gone to court to legally change his age from 69 to 49. Of course, the big question—if he’s allowed to do that, would it stop all the junk mail from AARP for an entire year?
Prince Charles says he won’t be a “meddling monarch” when he becomes King. Uh, Charles—four words: “The Queen’s still kicking!”
Las Vegas oddsmakers listed the 2-7 Buffalo Bills NFL team as a 28.5 favorite over college team Alabama. For what purpose, no one knows.
Tiger Woods reportedly turned down $3.25 Million to play in a tournament in Saudi Arabia. I would have done it for $2-million.
Harley Davidson will debut their first-ever electric motorcycle next year. Playing cards for clipping on to the front wheel not included.
I understand the desire to live in the moment. I’d settle for celebrating Thanksgiving before Christmas.

Blue Moon is going to introduce a cannabis-infused beer next month, because apparently drunk people should get the munchies, too.

Kendall Jenner got a 5-year restraining order against a man who has been stalking her. In his defense, he said he was only trying to keep up.

The FDA says they plan to ban menthol cigarettes. The idea is to help prevent minty-favored lung cancer.

Ice-T says he has never eaten a bagel in his life. Yes, we cover all the news here.

Sears and Kmart announced they will be having Black Friday sales. Yes, both of the things they have left will be on sale.

I had to say one of my holiday traditions a bit earlier than I had planned: "Damn, those jerks next door already have their Christmas lights up...and on!

A woman was denied entrance to the Louvre by a museum guard, because of her low-cut, "provocative" outfit. Would I have let her in? Absolutely. To the museum, no... .

Remember the shoplifter that looked like Ross from Friends? Police in London have arrested him. Apparently, he and freedom will be on a break for a while...

A study says too much caffeine may stress the heart. I'll start getting my affairs in order...

A study says poor sleep can cause anxiety... which gives me anxiety and now I can't sleep.

Alicia Silverstone says her 7-year-old son Bear is strict vegan who has never missed school or required medicine. I suppose that's a good distraction from the fact you named your kid BEAR!

CNN is suing the White House for banning their reporter, Jim Acosta. While the cost of hiring an attorney will cost a fortunate, Acosta feels the cost, uh, will be worth it.

If you're unlucky in love, a new study by Ohio State researchers says that you can probably blame your mom! They said it's likely she's to blame because we learn relationship skills from our mothers. From the 7,000 people they studied since 1979, children tended to have the same number of romantic partners that their mother had - whether they witnessed her relationships or not. If you like, you can wait to share this with her on Mother's Day.

A company in Wisconsin decided that, instead of giving a bonus for Christmas this year, each employee is going to receive their own hand gun. I would make extra sure in the coming year not to take the last cup of coffee without starting a new pot.

Whoever won last month's big $1.5-billion Mega Millions lottery jackpot still hasn't come forward to claim their money. What a jerk! Unless, of course, it's a relative.

A survey ranks Atlanta as the best city for singles. Well, that makes sense. Oh, wait. I thought they said shingles. Never mind... ..

A new article says that Artificial Intelligence is able to duplicate human fingerprints. The article was written by a disgruntled android.

A man robbing a store in Alabama used hot sauce as a weapon in his crime. Police described the suspect as armed and spicy.

A report says Queen Elizabeth II never opens presents on Christmas Day. Seriously, what could you possibly be giving her that she doesn't already have? OK, I had forgotten about the Chia Trump.

Utah will start testing beers to make sure they contain less than 4% alcohol. There's a job my high school career counselor never bothered bringing up.


  1. "School of Plymouth Rock"
  2. "The Puritan Things I Hate About You"
  3. "The Girl with the Turkey Tattoo"
  4. "The Cape Codfather"
  5. "Crazy Rich Pilgrims"


  1. Your home was seriously considered for their new Second Headquarters
  2. Constant Facebook friend requests from Jeff Bezos
  3. Porch thief threw his back out trying to carry away all your stuff
  4. Daily checks from your credit card company, wondering if your card was stolen
  5. Your cardboard recycler just bought a Ferrari
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!

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