Our 1,188th Edition
November 30, 2018
Can you believe it's December tomorrow?
Ivanka Trump used a private account to send out government e-mails. So it sounds like, one day, she might be running for president.
A new report claims that Google is fueling hypochondria. You know, I think I've got that, too.
Samsung's top secret Galaxy S phone is said to have 5G capability along with six cameras. AND, it makes phone calls!
CBS has cancelled the show "Salvation" after two seasons. I'm shocked. I didn't even know they had a show by that name.
28% of shoppers are still in debt from last Christmas. When you gave me your heart.
The average American will put on 6-pounds during the holiday season. Finally, I'm above average!
The two phrases I never expect to hear together: "GoFundMe" and Floyd Mayweather.
On the readerboard at Beth's Cafe in Seattle: "Eat here or we'll both starve!"
I'll be honest, I haven't decided yet if I'm going to take out a second mortgage or sell the family heirlooms to pay for my Rolling Stones tickets....and spending the kids inheritance hasn't been rule out yet.
A new study claims that nearly half of all Americans sit too long and don't get any exercise. I've seen an article that claims that's not true... but it's in that magazine, way across the room.
A cruise line based in Norway says it will start to power its ships using dead fish. Well, the ones they don't eat, first. This could pave the way for the first Lutefisk liner.
A Canadian scientist has named a beetle after former Blue Jays star Jose Bautista. In return, a British scientist has named a Blue Jay after a former Beatle.
Samsung has apologized for workers who got sick or died on the job and says that, with that out of the way, just suck it up and finish your double-shift.
A study says 40% of middle-class Americans will fall into or near poverty by the time they reach age 65. So, in other words, I'm way ahead of my time!
A study says that eating fruits and vegetables contributes to lower memory loss in men. I don't care-I'm still not going to eat more fruits and vegetables. In other news, a study says that eating fruits and vegetables contributes to lower memory loss in men.
I saw a good deal on an Instant Pot yesterday on Cyber Monday so I ordered one. It showed up today-who knew it was a water-heating device?
True confession--I can never remember the correct spelling of Massachusetts. I always let spellcheck handle that for me.
Make America Nostalgic Again!
In Michigan, a woman has won a second $250,000 jackpot... .using the same numbers she used to win the first one. OK, everyone gather around-group loathe!
A comedian is in court in Spain after blowing his nose on the Spanish flag on TV. Some citizens said putting boogers on the flag was offensive. Others said, no it's snot.
From my radio brother, Fitz: "Everyone's posting pictures of their Christmas trees and I'm thinking to myself, you know, I should probably do something about the rotting pumpkins on my porch."
Another Facebook gem: We should end the year without any animosity towards each other. You should apologize to me.
A Saudi man is bringing camel milk to the U.S.. Soon, they'll be asking you at Starbucks, "One hump or two?"
Dictionary.com has chosen "misinformation" as the Word of the Year. Unless that's fake news.
New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has ruled out a run at President in 2020... which, I think how this works, means that he's in.
I thought I was hacked on Facebook, but it turned out that it was just a scam, so I was scacked!
A study says that even light alcohol use can increase your risk of several types of cancer. I'm no medical expert, but what I take that to mean is that you might as well drink heavy.
I could never be president. I just don't think I could force myself to watch that much SNL.
I'm feeling rejected. Siri just told me to go ask Cortana.
Amazon's Jeff Bezos' net worth went up $6.28-billion on Cyber Monday. For the record, $273 of that was mine.
Sylvester Stallone says that Creed 2 is probably his last Rocky movie. Unless someone offers a paycheck.
A new study claims that dogs really aren't that smart. I haven't seen the study. My dog was telling me about it.
From Facebook: My wife wanted to put a Christmas tree in every room. I said that was overkill, so we compromised. We now have a Christmas tree in every room.
They say that digital smell technology could soon allow people to send odors on dating apps. Beware the guy who tries to win you over with a Cinnabon scent.
An Irish soccer team faked the death of a player to avoid their next game. I’m imagining that someone with the Oakland Raiders right now is saying, “Why didn’t we think of that?”
I’d never want to get into a snowball fight with Frosty the Snowman. I mean, wouldn’t you be just slightly curious where those snowballs came from?
TOP FIVE SIGNS THAT SANTA CLAUS IS LOSING IT
- Arrived at the mall wearing a red Speedo
- Goes about his business, singing ‘Stairway to Heaven'
- Is buying into the whole beard ornament thing
- Just got a brand-new tattoo that says, "Up your chimney"
- Steering the sleigh with his feet
TOP FIVE SIGNS THAT'S NOT THE REAL SANTA
- Says he needs to get home to the South Pole
- He's carrying a basket of Easter Eggs
- Wearing Domino's delivery outfit-says red suit's in the cleaners
- Could only name one of the reindeer
- Well, for starters, the real Santa probably doesn't wear an ankle monitor
Laugh a little, would ya?
