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Our 1,195th Edition
January 27th, 2019

Sometimes the answer is right there.
I just need to go get my readers first

Chris Christie says the Trump White House is full of amateurs, grifters, weaklings and felons. But, he adds, there are also some negatives.

A dishwasher at a Miami hotel was awarded $21-million after being made to work Sundays. If that's the case, with the number of Sundays I've had to work over the years, I could be a billionaire!

A UCLA study funded by Harley-Davidson says that motorcycles actually reduce stress. That explains that motorcycle gang I saw the other day, Hell's Therapists. Nice jackets.

Nike has introduced Air Max Training shoes that are covered in fake grass. I'm considering this a test.

It's ironic that the Flat Earth Society has members all around the globe.

The Oscar nominations come out today, but the show still doesn't have a host. There's talk of giving away the awards buffet-style.

Who is Scam Likely and why does he keep calling me?

A movie theater allowing dogs has opened in Texas. My guess is they won't be showing, "Old Yeller" anytime soon.

California Senator Kamala Harris announced she's running for president. She's only been a senator for a year and a half. There was a time when I didn't think that was very long.

54-million people watched the AFC Championship game Sunday night. Earlier in the day, 44-million watched the NFC Championship matchup. On the positive side for the NFL, that meant fewer witnesses.

Anne Hathaway says she's going to quit drinking for 18 years. She says she wants to wait until her 2-year-old son is 18. This tells me a lot of about Anne. For example, that she's bad at math.

A study says Kansas goes farther than any other state in limiting policy on their food nutrition labels and portion sizes. That explains the official state slogan, "Don't look at it-just eat it!"

A study says Mississippi is the least educated state. Upon hearing this, most Mississippi residents responded, "What does that mean?"

Krispy Kreme has announced a Chocolate Glaze Collection. Does anyone collect donuts? I've tried, but it's a very short-lived hobby.

Starbucks is expanding their delivery service area with Uber Eats. Now, for example, if your name is Steve, you can buy a latte on line and have one delivered to you in less than 30 minutes with the name 'Mike' on it.

OK, insert your home team here. Of course, mine's the Seahawks.

Tom Brady, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Patriots flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Tom," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Tom felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with GREEN and BLUE sidewalk, a 50-foot tall flagpole with an enormous SEAHAWKS logo flag, and in every window, a 12TH MAN FLAG. Tom looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, and I even won a few Super Bowls." God said, "So what's your point, Tom?" "Well, why does RUSSELL WILSON get a better house than me?" God chuckled, and said: "Tom, that's not WILSONS house... It's Mine."

The folks who operate the Doomsday Clock are going to update it today to let us know if we've gotten closer to midnight. At this point, I'm just hoping there's a snooze bar on it.

I remember back when I was growing up, we didn't have a car. Mostly, because we were 7-years-old. My parents did, but I didn't.

A new report says the cost of the government shutdown could exceed the cost of the wall. To the time machine!

Pope Francis I has unveiled a "Click to Pray" app. From above, a voice was heard saying, "For me's sake, put the phone down!

Donald Trump is reportedly preparing two State of the Union speeches. That way, he'll be ready-to-go when he goes to say what he meant to say.

I wanted to create a Keto diet with an emphasis on using kale, but I didn't think a Keto Kalin' eating plan would be easy to market.

Kate Hudson says she’s raising her new daughter with ‘genderless’ parenting. Way to go, dude!
Colorado State University fans can now purchase and consume beer and wine at basketball games at Moby Arena. If you’ve seen them play, you’ll understand why.
Those candy hearts with the messages on them will be missing from Valentine’s Day this year. The company that made them went out of business. So this year, you’ll just have to settle for plain, unmarked chalk.
A survey says 1 in 3 Americans fear they will max out their credit cards. The remaining two Americans say, “Pfffffft! Did that last year!”

  1. Well, I was late... but not as late as Johnson!
  2. I accidentally locked myself in the car.
  3. Which of my relatives, do you believe, are still alive?
  4. I was stopping by the bank to withdraw money to give to the company, but they weren't open yet
  5. Traffic karma was against me
  1. With a title like "The Secret Life of Flem", what were expecting?
  2. Just because the Oscars don't have a host doesn't mean your movie didn't need a director
  3. Critics walked out during the opening credits
  4. Rotten Tomatoes said you actually owe them points
  5. Filmed entirely on a Flip Phone really isn't a positive
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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