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Our 1,199th Edition
March 1st, 2019

Marching into the first weekend of March.
Seems redundant.

Karl Lagerfeld's cat Choupette is reportedly set to inherit some of the Chanel designer's estimated $195-million fortune. May I be the first to say, "Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty... .."

A new moon has been found orbiting Neptune which was named Hippocamp. Apparently, all the good moon names were taken.

The FBI is reportedly planning a database of the DNA of the entire population. responded with, "Ha! Been there, done that!"

Jussie Smollett reportedly paid two brothers $3,500 to attack him. I'm so mad. I would have done it for only $3,000.

Typesy is offering software to double people's typing speed for $20. Or, if you prefer, there's Tipsy, that reduces your speed by half and triples your errors.

Kamala Harris says she smoked pot in college while listening to Snoop Dogg and Tupac, even though she graduated in 1986 and their albums didn't come out until the ‘90s. In other words, she's already sounding presidential.

Jussie Smollett returned to the set of "Empire" in Chicago following his release from police custody on Thursday. Outside of being attacked by lions on his way there, he said things were going great.

Christie Brinkley says she is not planning to marry again. Apparently, she's not a believer in the old phrase, "Fifth time's the charm!"

R. Kelley isn't helping his own cause. When the judge said he could 13-to-15-years, he said, "That's perfect! Oh, you mean a sentence. Never mind."

So, "Green Book" was named Best Picture. Someone should quickly write "Green Movie" so it could be made Best Book. Then the world would have balance.

How about that? There was a TV show on last night called "The Enemy Within." All this time, I thought they were just referring to the Mueller Report.

From I work hard so my dog can live the dream.

Rami Malek fell at the Academy Awards after winning the Best Actor Oscar. The band, Queen, offered to help him out next time. "Just let us know and we will, we will walk you."

A study says Neanderthals stood up straight like modern humans. Usually when at concerts and the person sitting behind them really didn't feel like standing, but ended up having to.

A study says dogs experience personality changes as they grow older. Mine has gotten lazier. These days, I throw a stick and he calls Uber Fetches.

A new study says people having a baby won't get a good night's sleep for six years. That seems so short.

Robin Thicke and his fiancée, April Love Geary, welcomed a baby girl into the world on Tuesday. For the record, the baby was not wearing a mask.

A consumer watchdog group claims that many popular brands of wine and beer contain trace amounts of glyphosate, the main ingredient in the weed killer Roundup. On the positive side, when that police officer asks why you're peeing on your front lawn, you say you're applying weed-killer.

All of the Kardashian's are said to have shut out Jordyn Woods from their social circle after it was revealed that Kylie's BFF had cheated with Khloe's baby daddy. I can't believe I said that sentence out loud.

The only positive thing Michael Cohen had to say about the president yesterday was that he never actually saw his pants on fire.

Joe Biden says his family is encouraging him to run. Oddly enough, so is Trump’s family.
President Trump’s trip to Viet Nam failed to reach a deal with Kim Jong Un. However, he may have a deal waiting for him when he gets back to Washington, D.C..
The Vietnam summit between President Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was abruptly cut short yesterday after the two leaders could not come to an agreement on denuclearization of the Korean Peninsula.  Apparently, more art, less deal.
The heck with winter, Game of Thrones Oreos are coming. Can “The Walking Milk Duds” be far behind?
Utah is close to allowing higher limits on alcohol for beer. This according to the head of the state Division of Temperance.
Oprah Winfrey lost $50-million in one day on the value of Weight Watcher stock falling. However, she doesn’t plan to keep it off.
Scientists say the best time to work out is in the morning. Although, for me, that’s the best part of the day to sit around and promise myself to start working out one of these days.
One thing we know from the President’s visit to Viet Nam. “Successful Summit 2019” t-shirts are going to be really cheap.


  1. During the salute to the Wizard of Oz, Jussie Smollett recalling that time he was attacked by flying monkeys.
  2. Immediately after the show, several critics wrote scathing reviews about the host with blanks throughout their columns
  3. Meryl Streep accidentally getting up to accept an award she wasn't nominated for
  4. Because he was standing too close to the statues, one of the winners accidentally handed Kevin Hart
  5. Over 200 members of the audience caught trying to sneak out to the bathroom during the Best Lighting award


  1. Two songs, bathroom break, two songs, bathroom break
  2. Began concert facing the wrong way
  3. Guitar cords keep getting tangled up with heart monitor wires
  4. Those aren't Go-Go dancers on stage-they're the nurses
  5. After each song, the crowd chants in unison, "What?"
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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