Our 1,203rd Edition
March 29th, 2019
Big day coming up Monday!
A survey says 41% of New York City residents say they can't afford to live there. Hey, if you can't afford there, you can't afford anywhere. Isn't that what they say?
A new study claims that singing with your co-workers actually reduces stress on the job. Especially if you're one of 7 dwarfs who work in a mine.
One group is saying that there's a danger that giraffes will soon go extinct. Wow, first Toys ‘R Us and now this.
Gucci is now selling per-distressed athletic shoes for just $870 a pair. Hey, I'll sell you the shoes I was getting ready to throw out for only $500.
France says they're going to ban gas and oil production by 2040. Bring blankets.
It looks like those Robert Kraft spa tapes may be released to the public. I can't wait to not see them.
A Christian Evangelist was predicting that last week's full moon on the spring equinox combined with occurring on the Jewish observance of Purim was supposed to signal the end of the earth. To make matters worse, all of his brackets were busted by Thursday afternoon.
Tyson is recalling 70,000-pounds of chicken strips that may contain metal. Tyson-making your metal detector not just for the beach anymore.
Cher is asking for help in finding her favorite shirt of 40 years. The good news is that she remembered the reason why she walked into that room in the first place.
A survey says 11% of Americans say they would pay a bribe to get their kids into college. And 100% of those people are folks you used to watch on TV.
Papa John's has announced their new spokesperson is Shaquille O'Neal. Wait-didn't the last place we was spokesperson for go out of business?
A new study says that the biggest mistake dieters make is not drinking enough water. I drink plenty of water. It's just usually mixed with either crushed beans or hops.
A study says humans actually think like computers. Wait-weren't we first? So, they think like us?
Remember, it's the little things that make bigger things seem larger.
A South Carolina school bus driver crashed into a tree and injured several students after he swerved to avoid hitting some squirrels. I think I saw this in a Geico commercial.
Alabama has been ranked as the worst state in the U.S. for women to live in. As they like to say in "Alabama, if you don't like it, just bring me a beer and leave!"
From Facebook: Instead of John, I call my bathroom Jim. It sounds much better when I say the first place I went to the morning was the Jim, rather than the John.
An Alabama house was destroyed by a tornado with only the prayer closet spared. Obviously, the key is making your entire home one giant prayer closet.
Dunkin Donuts is soon going to offer Peeps-flavored coffee and donuts, as foretold in the book of Revelations.
So, Jussie Smollett will not face any charges because they couldn't find any collusion with Russia, right? Or am I getting my investigations mixed up?
Kobe Bryant ranks himself as the greatest basketball player of all time. Well, if you’re going to give him the ball, you didn’t expect him to pass, did you?
Chris Evans says he may give up being a Patriots fan if Tom Brady continues to support President Trump. I think they’ll survive.
A report says half of all older Americans have nothing put away for retirement. I’ve always said, “I don’t want to live forever. Just long enough to be a burden to my children.”
A study says men with beards make better partners. The Smith Brothers, for example.
Donald Trump Jr.’s divorce has been finalized. Hey girls, he’s available.
TOP FIVE WAYS TO TELL IF IT'S AN ENGLISH BULLDOG
- It prefers tea with its bone
- It only stands for "God Save the Queen"
- It has a "u" in it's woouf
- Well, there are those Prince Charles ears
- It barks with a British accent
TOP FIVE THINGS YOU SHOULD PROBABLY DO BEFORE PUTTING YOUR HOME ON THE MARKET THIS SPRING
- Lose the lime green paint with pink trim. It makes a statement. The statement is, "I don't want to sell"
- That ‘Quarantined' sign on the front door might hurt a sale
- Take down that replica of the Eiffel tower in the front yard made of beer cans
- Throw out whatever is growling in the refrigerator
- Rake up the clothes on the bedroom floor