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Our 1,210th Edition
May 24th, 2019

Exactly 7 months away from Christmas Eve!

A new survey says that the U.K. is the drunkest place in the world. The average resident gets drunk 51 times a year.There, they don't have happy hours, they have happy days!

Or, if they're getting drunk 51 times a year and they're week-long benders, that pretty much gets you through the year!

The social media darling, Grumpy Cat, has died at the age of 7. Now he's really pissed.

Then there's the study that claims smartphones are affecting our ability to focus. Oh, look. Grumpy Cat died. I like Bleu Cheese.

Burger King says it will soon deliver Whoppers to L.A. drivers stuck in traffic. That explains their new slogan, "Have it your way or the highway!"

Australia's Nick Kyrgios forfeited a match at the Italian Open after throwing a chair on the court. Why? Because the table was too heavy.

A new study says that walking faster helps you live longer. Especially when being followed by someone named Jason or Leatherface.

Friday was "Bike Everywhere Day." That explains that guy in the bathroom.

They say it always happens in 3's. "The Big Bang Theory", "Game of Thrones" and "Grumpy Cat."

A man came up from behind Arnold Schwarzenegger in Africa and drop-kicked him. The man was arrested and...won't be back.

They've found what they believe to be Michelangelo's first work of art, an etching he did when he was just 12-years-old. Admittingly, I'm no art expert, but I had know idea the Ninja Turtle could draw!

No matter how you feel about the ending of "Game of Thrones", going from that to our presidential primary is a bit of a let-down.

Rotary phones are said to be trendy again, making that person behind you in the movie theater even noisier.

ABC has canceled "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" after 17 years. I'm shocked. I didn't even know it was still on.

I've already done a draft on the 28th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution: "An elected U.S. President should not be allowed to tweet!"

Ford announced it's going to trim 10% of its workforce by August. They're even slicing 10% off the end of their slogan, which is now, "Have you drive a Ford late."

From all the complaints from fans about how "Game of Thrones" ended, I'm glad I wasn't watching. I've already got a full plate of things to complain about.

A study says Millennials are in worse financial shape than every living previous generation. At this rate, they may never move out of their parents' basement.

Ireland is voting to reduce the time to file for divorce to less than the current four years. Wow, over here, you could work in a couple of remarriages in that time.

An Indonesian chef reportedly lost his hearing after eating a spicy meal. OK, now THAT'S spicy. Apparently, they have a different scale for spiciness. There's one star, two stars, three stars, four stars and deaf.

A redeye flight from Seattle to New Jersey had to return to Seattle Tuesday night following a bird strike. No word yet on why the birds were striking.

A mile-wide asteroid-big enough to have its own moon-will pass the earth on Sunday. Just in case anything were to go wrong, Bruce Willis has been put on standby.

From my buddy, Skip Tucker: One thing that sucks about being a grownup is no longer being able to say, "My Mom said no" when someone wants to come over.

Cher has a new genderless perfume called, Eau de Couture by Cher. That's inspired me to come out with my own brand, Eau de Brother.

Apple CEO Tim Cook told 2019 college graduates that his generation "failed you." I'm going to give that to him, assuming he's not a part of my generation and he's right about them.

The episode of the PBS kids show "Arthur" featuring a same-sex wedding will not be shown in Alabama. Instead, a special version will be produced where the bride and groom are brother and sister.

A study says IQ rates in developed countries are dropping, whatever that means.

A study says Swiss men have some of the worst sperm quality in Europe. For starters, it has holes in it.

Wendy Williams' 18-year-old son was arrested after getting into a physical altercation with his father. This close, he probably just could have waited until Father's Day.

As you would expect, the reboot of "All in the Family" really offended a certain group: meatheads!


  1. Even your artificial lawn has turned brown
  2. You somehow under-watered a cactus
  3. When you go to a nursery, the plants see you coming and scream
  4. Your air ferns keep dying
  5. Your green thumb is actually brown


  1. You've invited fans who liked the ending to a "Red Wedding"
  2. You gave your grandfather a white walker
  3. You've started leaving water bottles and Starbucks cups everywhere
  4. You named your new puppy, "Defender of the Vale"
  5. You swear you're never going to own a pet dragon again
  Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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