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THIS WEEK'S WACK
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Our 1,223rd Edition
August 22nd, 2019

I'd like to report a missing summer

In Ohio, a man is being accused of committing 10 felonies and two misdemeanors against seven people within a span of 21 minutes. He may have set a record earning his record.

A driver in Washington state was caught playing Pokemon Go on eight phones at once. The officer let him know he was being charged with distracted driving, but he wasn't paying attention.

According to a new study from Monster.com, 8 out of 10 people have cried at work. Most, on paydays.

Why is it you always hear about Himalayan Salt, but never Himalayan Pepper?

North Korea has fired two more missiles into the sea. Needless to say, Aquaman has about had it.

A study says a record 768 Million U.S. vacation days went to waste last year. Remember, as a friend, if you need me to take a couple of them for you, I'm your guy.

From my buddy, Skip Tucker: Has anyone else ever wondered if, in a pinch, Jim Henson ever used Kermit as an oven mitt?

Should volunteerism be forced?

A UK cyclist set a record speed of 174 miles an hour. It's amazing what you can accomplish when the brakes go out.

"Instinct" has been canceled after two seasons on CBS. I'm going to miss it. Yep, never watched a single episode, so I'm going to miss it completely.

A study says kids make their parents happier when they move out. I'd have to say that's been true, every time.

From my buddy, Skip Tucker: Whoever said that you can catch more flies with honey has obviously never played outfield in a softball league.
 
The newest billion-dollar cannabis company, Sundial Growers had a half ton of bad weed returned. I guess the stuff is no good if you remember to take it back.
 
A 6 year-old-boy in China had 61 magnetic balls pulled from his stomach. Of course, he can no longer stick to the refrigerator now…..
 
A report says nearly 10% of Americans have a nutrition deficiency. Look, the problem is in the labeling. If we just made salt or fat a vitamin…..
 
Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes are the new sponsor of the Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl. Gr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-eat.
 
A study says Millennials’ retirement prospects are grim. However, that’s still better than mine, which are dire.
 
Larry King has filed for divorce from his 7th wife, Shawn. Yep, time once again to change the name and date on the paperwork.
 
Italy’s latest government has collapsed. They go through governments like Larry King goes through wives.  Interesting that both would be going through another change at the same time….
 
He’s the kind of person that takes a can of spray paint to a paintball fight.
 

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR TEACHER DOESN'T LIKE YOU

  1. You give her an apple, she throws it at you
  2. Keeps giving you paperwork and encourages you to skip a year
  3. When she takes attendance, she always forgets your name
  4. Her nickname for you: "Enemy of the Class"
  5. She keeps asking you to hand-feed the classroom piranha

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR DOCTOR IS STARTING TO LOSE IT

  1. Wants to patent his new "heads or tails diagnosis" technique
  2. Recently hired a Labrador retriever to work in the lab
  3. He asked if you'd like to pet one of his leeches
  4. While looking into your ears, he asks you to say, "Ahhh."
  5. He asks if your hair hurts
Laugh a little, would ya?
 
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!
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