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Our 1,232nd Edition
October 25th, 2019

Less than a week to go to finish that Halloween candy

California is launching the first early warning earthquake app in the state. In California, you didn't just miss the last earthquake, you're just early for the next.

A Pakistani man unleashed his pet lion on an electrician coming to collect on a bill. Wow, imagine the size of that pet door.

I guess the pet loves to play hide ‘n seek with the owner, but he's always easy to find. You can't hide those lion eyes.

A city in Virginia has made it against the law for anyone over the age of 13 to trick or treat. When Snickers are outlawed, only outlaws will have Snickers.

A study says the University of Arizona and Arizona State have the top rivalry in college football. Michigan and Ohio State blamed each other for not winning the honor.

A study says the germiest place on airplanes is the tray table. That's why I always eat all my in-flight meals in the restroom.

Yes, I love fishing for squid. Do I do it professionally? No. So, I am not a Squid pro. No.

A company in Seattle (where else?) is developing a new type of coffee that is not made from beans. Synthetic coffee. May I be the first to say: Fake Brews!

It was election day in Canada yesterday. A week ago Monday, they had Thanksgiving. They seem to be in such a hurry.

There is outcry after an Amazon worker in Ohio had a heart attack at work and was not treated for 20 minutes. In Amazon's defense, it wasn't quite yet break time.

A study says blue light from cellphones make users age faster. And all this time, I've been blaming everything else going on in the world.

Hillary Clinton suggested Tulsi Gabbard is being "groomed by Russia" for 2020. Gabbard responded, "Absolutely, positively nyet."

If you'd like, Kim Kardashian's makeup artist will give you a make-over for 400,000. That's not including tip.

I gotta say, this Brexit thing is dragging on longer than a Brett Favre retirement.

Seen on Facebook: "Every C in Pacific Ocean is pronounced differently."

You know, I'm old enough to remember when the phrase, "middle age" was offensive. These days, I'd take it.

In South Florida, a shoplifter went into a Total Wine and got out of the store with over $1,000 worth of Scotch stuffed down his pants. You'd think they would have heard a clink or two... ..

From my buddy Skip Tucker: "I always carry a knife in my pocket. Just in case of a cheesecake or something."

Mick Mulvaney says Donald Trump still considers himself in the hospitality business. Mostly because of all the people stealing the White House towels.

Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan say they're going to be taking time off in November. Of course, the big question-time off from what?

Police in Florida found three children and 245 animals in a home with "deplorable" conditions that included 90 mice and 65 rats. There were once some pigs in there, but they moved out because of the messiness.

Always bring a chain saw to a corn maze, I say... .

Pizza Hut is testing round pizza boxes. I think they should mess with people and start making square pizzas for those round boxes.

There's a new app called Wowzer, that will try to match up fellow dog lovers. It would be much better for them to find love, rather than spend their whole life chasing their own tail.

From Facebook: I set my alarms extra early so I have enough time to lay there and be angry about having to get up so early.

The National Vending Machine Operators are promising that they will start putting healthier snacks in U.S. vending machines, starting January 1st. Only one question: who asked them to?

In Grand Rapids, Michigan, a guy working in an office put a sign up in the third story window: "Please send beer to Sam on Floor 3. Thank you." So far, 85 beers have come Sam's way. I'm putting up my Porsche sign later today.

Look, you're not that special if your nickname is "The Library Whisperer."


  1. You finished it, put a stamp on it and then stuck it in a shredder
  2. That line your wrote on the outside: "No, I'm not kidding!"
  3. Filling it out in crayons tends to draw attention
  4. You only voted for write-in candidates, "Heads" or "Tails"
  5. You filled it out using Play-Doh


  1. Pumpkin Head replaced with Organic Non-GMO Jonathon Apple Head
  2. There's that Creature from the Pink Lagoon
  3. Crazed Killer is carrying safety scissors
  4. The vampire is wearing a retainer
  5. The ghosts charge by the boo
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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