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Our 1,233rd Edition
November 1st, 2019

4 Weeks From Today is Thanksgiving. Just sayin'....

This week, Russia is going to experiment with disconnecting from the Internet and using their own. Gonna make it tougher to interfere with our elections.

A study says Great White Sharks form lasting communities and routinely get together for feasts. Hint-if they invite you over for Thanksgiving this year, respectfully decline.

From Facebook: Why do people hate getting up early in Athens? Because Dawn is tough on Greece.

Some people are pretty upset that Felicity Huffman is out of prison after only 11 days. But remember, she has to spend the rest of her life living in that mansion and driving around her Mercedes as a felon.

McDonald's said to be working on an Artificial Intelligence app that will figure out ahead of time what you plan to order. Boy are they going to be disappointed that I'm going to Five Guys.

From my buddy, Skip Tucker: When Googling, very few letters are more important than the "R" in Gary Oldman.

From Facebook: Good news for people who wear glasses-next year, you'll be seeing 2020.

Now there's a move to make Santa Claus genderless, so as not to offend anyone. Instead of "Ho, Ho, Ho", would a genderless Santa yell out, "Pimp! Pimp! Pimp!"?

A military algorithm can predict sickness 48 hours before a person shows symptoms. And if that person eats at the Foodaplooza All You Can Eat Buffet, they can get that done to 12 hours.

The White House has officially canceled their subscriptions to the New York Times and Washington Post. In the White House's defense, the papers rarely made it to the porch. Usually ended up in the Rose Garden.

Former astronaut Buzz Aldrin threw out the first pitch for Game 3 of the 2019 World Series! Ironically, Houston didn't have any problems.

Two models have been banned from the World Series after they flashed Houston Astros pitcher Gerrit Cole as he was about to make a pitch last night. Which reminds me of why I wanted to get into baseball.

Those models who were banned from the World Series after flashing a pitcher Sunday night--for the record, I would still let them into my home to watch the game. I'm a very forgiving person.

There's a new smart toilet that actually analyzes the human waste. Yeah, there are some just some jobs the machines can have.

It's not moving the clock back an hour. It's all the complaining about the time change that makes the weekend so long.

From Facebook:

  • No matter how old you are, buying snacks for a road trip turns everyone into an unsupervised 9-year-old that's just been given $50.
  • The adult version of "Head, shoulders, knees and toes" is "Wallet, glasses, keys and phone."
  • I see people my age mountain climbing. I feel good about getting a leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
  • Tradition-peer pressure from dead people.

Bishops are calling on the Pope to make damaging the environment a sin. I seem to remember a reference to being "good stewards of the earth" in that book of theirs... .

A report says currency is regaining its popularity, especially with the 100 bill. I'm saving up to get one of my own, one of these days...

The money spent on Halloween has fallen for the second straight year. Seriously, how many times do you have to buy fresh spider webs?

I, for one, long for the good old days. I really think we should stop texting and get back to just emailing each other.

From my buddy, Skip Tucker: NOTE TO SELF: One of the worst things you can dress up as for an Overeaters Anonymous Halloween party is a giant Snickers bar.

Walmart is posting signs warning of a national shortage of dishwashing soap. Either stock up or stack up!

An airline passenger was caught faking pregnancy to avoid paying a baggage fee. I think they're being pretty harsh on that mom and little Samsonite.

A report says 44% of consumers have expenses that exceed their income. I'm not very good at math, but that's almost a third of all Americans.

California has been ranked as the best state for outdoor activities. I'm going to have to assume firefighting are among the activities they have in mind.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was evacuated from his home because of the California wildfires. Really no need to ask if he'll be back.

A dog injured in the al-Baghdadi raid had its name declassified, which is Conan. What are the odds? Especially with all of those other dogs named Jimmy?

By the way, in honor of Halloween today, we are working with a skeleton crew.

It’s Friday, it’s a great day! OK, candy corn is now on sale for 50% off, but still, it’s a fantastic day!!!
Yes, another successful Halloween in the books. Hope you had a nice Ghouls’ Night Out!

A wellness influencer told her Instagram followers that there are some shampoos that cause weight gain. Especially, Head and Booties.
I made a great discovery last night. When you hand out Kale Chips as treats, you get free eggs. OK, they’re up against the house, but hey, they were free.


  1. No carbonated bottled water
  2. Massage Therapist doesn't work on Thursdays
  3. Boxed wine at Happy Hour
  4. Strict no Ribeye on Steak Night. Only New York cuts.
  5. The 70-inch TV in your cell is standard def


  1. "Zombie Insurance Agents from Hell"
  2. "The Exercisist"
  3. "Rosemary's baby monitor"
  4. "Saw: the musical"
  5. "Frankenstein's Tutu"
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!
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