Our 1,240th Edition
LAST CALL FOR THIS YEAR'S HO HO BROTHER 19
December 20th, 2019
Final WACK of the year! Of the decade! Yikes!
--Enjoy my annual holiday collection of music and fun by clicking right here.Laugh a little, would ya?
There was Black Friday and Cyber Monday... when it comes to Christmas shopping, I believe today is known as "Realizing You're Doomed" Monday.
Three people have been charged in a $722 Million cryptocurrency scheme. Wait-isn't a cryptocurrency scheme redundant?
8 in 10 Americans say politics is the biggest source of stress in their life. I'm thankful that I fully realize my insignificance in the big picture. (or mastered the art of not giving a BLEEP)
- Can you put vodka in a humidifier? Just asking for a friend.
- I admit--I have been watering a fake poinsettia.
- The best things about the good old days were that I wasn't good and I wasn't old.
- Please allow children to believe in Santa. You believe in essential oils and nobody is ruining it for you!
A report says the world's magnetic North Pole is shifting more towards Siberia. Yep. Even more Russian interference.
An astounding 28 percent of folks proudly admit to being "re-gifters." That would explain that partially eaten box of See's Candies I gave you last year.
A study says the human natural life span is 38 years. That'll make you feel like you've over-achieved.
A study says 9 in 10 Americans have been victimized by an online scam. If you have not been scammed online, please go to verygullible.com and send us 50 for the reporting fee.
Feds have busted an illegal streaming site bigger than Netflix and Hulu combined. Here's hoping they arrest all those people taking part in this illegal activity and bring everyone of them to justice except me.
Look, I don't mind Elizabeth Hurley posting pictures of herself in a bikini. But does she have to rub it in by saying she doesn't work out?
From Facebook: I didn't go to the gym today, but the guy at the McDonald's drive-through window was named Jim, so, same thing.
John and Charlotte Henderson of Austin, Texas, are the world's longest living couple. He's 106, she's 105 and they've been married 80 years. To celebrate, they took a long trip to the dining room.
Christmas is a week from today, unless you're talking with congressional Democrats.
Royal Caribbean has canceled shore excursions to active volcanoes. However, the cannibal-infested jungle tours are still on!
The Titanic 2-a replica of the original-is set to sail next year. I would keep Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet as far away from that as possible.
From my buddy, Skip Tucker: Rock climbing doesn't make sense. The earth is the largest rock any of us will ever stand on. By standing on the earth, you have stood on the biggest rock. You're done. You've peaked. Go home.
My guess is that peach mint ice cream is not on the White House menu.
Apparently, things are pretty slow in Girard, Pennsylvania. Last week, three teens were arrested after they covered two cars and a house with cheese slices. I cheddar at the thought.
A California man robbed a caricature artist of $500 but left behind the drawing he was posing for. Police have a very exaggerated description of him.
Sunday is the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year. There out to be a law that the shortest day of the year can’t be on a weekend.
TOP FIVE WEIRD FAMILY HOLIDAY TRADITIONS
TOP FIVE WAYS TO ANNOY AN ELF
- Giving out a prize for whoever finds Grandma's teeth in the pudding
- Duck eggnog
- Always cutting down a fresh tree from a neighbor's yard
- Leaving out one of THOSE cookies for Santa
- Setting table one chair short so the last one there has to stand
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'VE GONE A LITTLE CHRISTMAS NUTS
- If you were ever arrested, would you go with "Elf Defense?"
- Buy him anything in a tall size
- Ask him, "Seriously, are you the one that wants to be a dentist?"
- Address him as "Stretch"
- Accidentally knee him in the forehead
Laugh a little, would ya? See you in 2020!
- Credit Card companies have surrounded your house, saying "Come out with your cards up!"
- Traded in your car for a hybrid sleigh
- You bought a pet Santa outfit for your goldfish
- You have so many lights up, jets try to land on your street
- Let's start with that tattoo you got that says, "I'm a little Christmas Nuts"