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Our 1,241st Edition
January 10th, 2020

Almost time for the Seahawks to go all Rambo at Lambeau!

OK, let's see if we can remember how to do this 5-day work week thing.

From Facebook: I'm tired and worn out. To make matters worse I still have so many unanswered questions! I still don't know:

  • Who let the dogs out?
  • Where's the beef?
  • How to get to Sesame Street?
  • Why Dora doesn't just use Google Maps?
  • Why do all flavors of Fruit Loops taste exactly the same?
  • How many licks "does it (really) take "to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
  • Why eggs are packaged in a flimsy cartons, but batteries are secured in plastic that's tough as nails?
  • Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
  • Or why is there a D in ‘fridge' but not in refrigerator.
  • Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet, dish washing liquid is made with real lemons?
  • Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
  • And, why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"?--Where's that extra penny going to?
  • Why does The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same melody?
  • Why did you just try to sing those two previous songs?
  • And just what exactly is Victoria's secret?
  • Wait, one more: Where is Waldo?

A new study says that having a plant on your desk actually reduces stress. No, not THAT kind of plant. Any kind.

Awkwafina won a best actress award at the Golden Globes for "The Farewell." That made her the first Asian woman to win that award, as well as the first-ever named after a bottled water.

Maybe it's just me, but I missed the Fiji Water Girl at the Golden Globes this year.

More from Facebook:

  • It said ‘Don't try this at home' so I'm coming over to your house to try it.
  • I thought it was the dryer that made my clothes shrink. It turns out it was the refrigerator.
  • If you answer the phone with, "Hello! You're on the air!", the telemarketer will most likely hang up.
  • My husband pissed me off today, so I pour a bucket of water in front of the washing machine. He's been trying to fix it for two hours!
  • My Netflix queue looks like I'm learning how to be a murderer.
  • Remember back when you had to whack the TV in order for the channel to come in more clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.
  • I haven't lost my mind. Half of it just wandered off and the other half went looking for it.
  • If you can't think of a word, just say, "I can't think of the English word for it." Then people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.
  • "Fifty Shades of Grey" is romantic only because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer, it would have been an episode on "Criminal Minds."

A Kentucky man was arrested for skinning dogs to make a "doggy coat." Son of a Cruella!!!

A Massachusetts palm reader is charged with bilking a client out of 71,000... just as she predicted.

A study says the average doctor's visit last 14 minutes. I'm going to assume that includes the 13 minutes spent in the waiting room.

Colombian drug lord El Tio was arrested after his son tipped off police because he was having an affair with his son's wife. That's going to make for an awkward Thanksgiving this year.

I don't know if I'd be holding up Joaquim Phoenix up as an example of a life-long vegan. Nothing makes me say, "Hand me a burger" faster.

Finland is introducing a four-day work week with six hour days. This is why they should serve alcohol in congress.

Austrian engineers transplanted a gasoline engine inside a Tesla 3. Finally, a solution for the electric car!

A Florida dad and daughter team reportedly stole $3.4 Million from the IRS in a scam. See, it pays to be involved with your kids.

A report says 4 in 10 adults are workaholics. Or, as I prefer to look at it, 6 of 10 adults are slackers!

Hallmark says it is cutting 400 jobs. Which, as a bonus, will give them 400 new plots for Christmas movies.

Miley Cyrus has debuted her latest hairstyle, which turns out to be a mullet. Yes, she's bringing unsexy back.

Harry and Meghan shocked the world yesterday by announcing that they're stepping down from their senior royal duties. They are basically, in effect, resigning from their family. Of course, the number one question after that decision--how do I resign from my family?

The Oscars will once again be host-free. In other words, everyone that was asked turned them down.

ABC is looking at possibly reviving "30 Something." I remember when that was supposed to be about me and not my kids.

Season 5 of the TV series "Lucifer" will feature Dennis Haysbert as God. He's the guy in those Allstate commercials, so the world should be in good hands.


  1. The return email address
  2. Your mouse just yelled at you, don't click on it
  3. They've asked what's your lucky Social Security number
  4. Sender claims you met before at a Nigerian prince's party
  5. Down at the bottom, it's certified by the University of Scamdom


  1. In final instructions to jury, utters "$20 says he does it. Who's in?"
  2. During your explanation, yells out, "Shoot! I forgot to drop off my dry cleaning!"
  3. Has prison tailor fit you for uniform during trial
  4. Instructs jury to ignore everything you say
  5. Keeps referring to you as "Mr. Guilty"


  1. A 5G cell phone battery drainer
  2. Electric scooters with stroller-like shin rammers
  3. Artificial stupidity (haven't we already got enough of the real stuff?)
  4. A new streaming service that features videos of streams
  5. The flying remote control (c'mon, get up and get the darn thing yourself)
Laugh a little, would ya? See you in 2020!
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!
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