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Our 1,253rd Edition
April 3rd, 2020
Whatever April Showers were supposed to bring, it's been post-poned

SPECIAL MENTION: If you missed my coverage of National Gullible Day on Wednesday, watch here.

Bob Dylan has released a 17-minute song that's all about the JFK assassination. That ought to help boost the country's morale.

I do admire him. I'll bet it was tough to write lyrics that rhyme with "Grassy Knoll" and "Warren Commission."

There are concerns that, with the lockdown, alcoholism will increase. Well, at least I now something to blame.

A nude woman posed for pictures on the Charging Bull statue on Wall Street last Thursday. Police were called... .eventually... .

Heard on ESPN: It'll be interesting to see in 9 months, which is greater-the birth rate or the divorce rate.

I'm all for "all hands on deck" but can we please wipe down the deck first?

I do have to point out that my daffodils are not practicing floral distancing.

Remember, the key is to stick together while staying apart.

The Austrian village of Saint Corona might want to consider a name change. Maybe something French, like Bubonique`.

There's a new survey out that claims 12% of workers who say they have kept their cameras turned off during video calls because they weren't wearing any clothes. I'm going to send a thank you note to some of them.

From my buddy Skip Tucker: 8 days into the lockdown and I'm starting to question whether the Donner party was even hungry.

They say that because of the "Stay at Home" orders, long hair and beards are going to be popular among men. Well, it's not like there's a choice.

I'm thinking it's about time for something I suggested a long time ago-separate bathrooms for those who wash their hands and those who don't.

It's National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day-a big day for everyone except for Diabetics with peanut and wheat allergies.

They had a 6.5 earthquake in Idaho Tuesday, just to keep us going down the Revelations Road... ..

Just thinking about it-the federal government could save a lot of money in postage if they just let the Easter Bunny deliver those checks. Just sayin'...

I'm old enough to remember when American Express would say, "Don't leave home without it." Their new slogan: "Don't leave home."

A guy in the Seattle area was pulled over by police after allegedly going over 100 mph. When the officer walked up to the door, the guy claimed he was trying to teach his pitbull how to drive. Everyone knows pit bulls are lousy drivers. It's just that no one has the courage to tell them.

Nordstrom has started making medical masks. You can buy them now, or do what I'm doing and wait for the Half-Yearly Sale.

K-pop star Kim Jae-joong has apologized after telling fans on April Fools' Day that he had caught coronavirus. Comedy is tough.

If you have nothing else to do, go to the O'Reilly Auto Parts website ( and put in 121G. You're welcome.

Just a warning, if you're going to get a coronavirus test, you should know, they're going to stick something in your nose and keep putting it in until they get halfway to Brazil.

Sales of alcohol in the U.S. are up 55%. Frankly, I'm surprised it's that low.

These people that go out despite the "Stay at Home" order are the same folks who don't believe the "Wet Paint" sign.

From Facebook:
  • Does anyone else know if we can take showers, or is it just wash your hands?
  • In case you've lost track, today is March 97th.
  • Alexa, homeschool the children.
  • Is anyone else sort of feeling like the Earth just sent us all to our rooms to think about what we've done?
  • Tom Hanks survived 4 years on a deserted island as a Castaway. He spent a year in an airport without being able to leave. Caught AIDS in Philadelphia. Was in World War II and rescued Private Ryan. Went to Vietnam and rescued Lt. Dan. Was on a boat kidnapped by Somali pirates. Survived Apollo 13 trying to reach the Moon. And he landed an airplane in the Hudson. If he dies of coronavirus we're all screwed!
  • A personal trainer just went to prison for 10 years for dealing coke. Just shows you really don't know people. I honestly did not know he was a personal trainer.
  • You know, if you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can't accidentally touch your face.
  • I'm so bored, I went outside, knocked on my door, came back in and asked, "Who is it?"
  1. "Let's Make a Deal Over Who Vacuums"
  2. "Dialing for Tonight's Dinner"
  3. "Grocery Store Run Survivor"
  4. "Wheel of Who's Going to Empty the Dishwasher"
  5. "Who's going to take the garbage out Chicken"
  1. You just don't have the heart to tell him, his mask is on backwards
  2. Insists that his computer has contracted the virus
  3. Claims that the virus comes in two strains-corona and corona light
  4. Keeps telling you, he knows more about it than the president
  5. He keeps talking about Dr. Guido Sarducci
Laugh a little, would ya?

PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!
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