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THIS WEEK'S WACK
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Our 1,261st Edition
May 29th, 2020
Our Final Friday in May!!

Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande dropped a duet on Friday called, "Rain on me." In a way, a perfect song for a Memorial Day Weekend.

The curious are asking, "How long does alcohol last on the shelf before going bad?" I have to ask: "What is this ‘last on the shelf' to which you refer?"

A team of Canadian scientists believes it has found strong strains of cannabis that could help prevent or treat coronavirus infections. The price of the drug wouldn't be much, but the cost of all those pizzas could be prohibitive.

A quick public service announcement -- today is Wednesday.

Why do I have such a hard time keeping Spandex and Space-X straight?

And now they're making nail polish that smells like Cheese Puffs? Must be for those who don't want theirs to smell like Tacos, which we told you about last week.

They're saying that the average American has packed on 5-pounds since the start of the pandemic. I don't mean to brag, but I'm way above average.

J.D. Power did their annual rankings of the best airlines to fly and Southwest top them all. Of course, that makes them the best airline no one is flying.

Disney World is reopening in July. July 11 for its Magic Kingdom and Animal Kingdom parks and July 15 for EPCOT and Hollywood Studios. I'm reminded of those two important words, "You first."

Seattle has been named the most compliant major city in the U.S. when it comes to staying at home. They have an award they’d like to present to them, but no one will come and get it.
 
This has been a rough year for baseball fans. My team is the Mariners and usually by now, I’d be saying, “Wait until next year.”
 
Clint Eastwood celebrates his 90th birthday this Sunday. For the first time in years, punks are feeling lucky.

From Facebook:
  • Technically, if you don't cut a cake and eat the whole thing with a fork, you've only had one piece.
  • National Wine Day: March 1st-December 31st.
  • So, in retrospect, in 2015, not a single person got the question right, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
  • Sign at a bar: We are only allowed to have 1/3 our capacity, so if you can't drink three times as much, leave your spot for a professional.
  • I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinz-sight.
  • 2020-the year my garbage bin went out more than I did.
  • Looking forward to the Hallmark Channel's "A Very Covid Christmas", where a big city lawyer and a country candle maker meet when they accidentally go to the wrong Zoom meeting.
  • The plot of every Hallmark Channel movie is about a career woman who is too busy for love moves to a small town where a handsome local bachelor teaches her about the true spirit of the holiday. It starts snowing and they kiss. Oh, and there's a dog.
  • $7 beers, $10 parking and $20 coverage charge. If you don't like the prices, stop coming to my house!
  • The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. The things I think about these days... .
  • Corona, leave us alona.
  • If you mix Tabasco into your hand sanitizer, it will not only kill germs, but it will also teach you not to touch your face so much.

TOP FIVE MISUNDERSTANDINGS ABOUT WHAT SPACE-X REALLY IS

  1. Oh, shoot, I've been saying it wrong. I thought it was Spandex.
  2. It's what comes before Space Y
  3. Space-X is what they tell you not to have before a Big Space Fight
  4. Wait, that's the actor that got in trouble... Kevin I think...
  5. Your previous wife from another planet

TOP FIVE FAKE PRODUCTS OUT THERE THAT ARE A SCAM

  1. Hydroxy-Chlorox Wipes
  2. Flintstones With Bleach
  3. Edible Face Masks
  4. I Can't Believe It's Not Water Hand Sanitizer
  5. Glade Room Deodorizer and Virus Killer

TOP FIVE QUESTIONS WE COULD HEAR ASKED DURING THE SPACE MISSION

  1. "Seriously? We only have one movie to watch and it's Alien?"
  2. "What's the deal with all the Spam?"
  3. "What do you mean, did we bring more toilet paper?"
  4. "Why didn't you say you had to go before we blasted off?
  5. "That's one small step for man. Oh, man, what did I step in?"
Laugh a little, would ya?



PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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