Happy Cinco de Juno!
Yes, here we are, socially distancing together, but apart, as one, but separately, as we unify in different locations at least 6-feet apart.
I notice while I'm venturing around the Internet, I'm seeing a lot of swimsuit ads popup. You might as well throw in a few modeling school ads while you're at it.
The maiden flight of an all-electric Cessna Airplane took place last Thursday. It was successful. Now they just need a cord long enough so they can take longer trips.
From Facebook: Just tried to make my own hand sanitizer and it came out a Margarita.
I'm old enough to remember when the scariest in the world was when the Wicket Witch showed up in "The Wizard of Oz."
People are always saying to me to grow a pair and I keep telling them, "Look, for the last time, I don't have a pear tree!"
It may be a small victory, but I'm hoping that whatever those looters grabbed during the rioting, that it's the wrong size.
A Russian artist is spending his time designing tiny face masks for insects. Once again, we'll remind you about the harmful effects of too much vodka.
You know, if Jack Bauer were to walk in the door and this all turned out to be a season of "24", then this would all make sense.
From Facebook: Congrats to the astronauts who left Earth last weekend. Good choice.
Peanut butter comes in a jar, right? Well, yes, but now, the folks at Jif are coming out with a peanut butter pouch... so you can squeeze out peanut butter-like toothpaste. I wonder what choosey mother thought that was a good idea.
Steve Harvey has bought a $15-million mansion in Atlanta that once belonged to Tyler Perry. Probably his starter-mansion...
I'm now realizing why the beginning of the pandemic was so hard on me. For weeks, I thought they were saying, "Wash your face and don't touch your hands."
You know, at this point, it feels like an alien invasion could actually be an improvement. Just sayin'...
All these phases can be confusing, so let's go through them:
- Phase 1-Turning off the alarm.
- Phase 2-Coffee
- Phase 3-More coffee
- Phase 4-Put on pajama bottoms
- Phase 5-Make 2nd pot of coffee
With any luck, you'll eventually get to Phase 6, which is taking a shower.
I just realized that I've been going to the same place every night for happy hour for three months now. Including weekends.
This is the most rioting in our country that's ever occurred at one time without involving an NBA Championship.
Officials say that the murder hornet found in Washington State last week was a queen, which means the hive won’t survive without her. Although we heard that part of her royal family ran off to Hollywood with a honeybee. We’ll see where this all goes.
I stand with everyone who doesn't have a chair.
The racial strife, the unrest, the bitter comments. I just wish the former cast of "Glee" would just get along.
- Did we skip the murder hornets? It feels like we skipped the murder hornets.
- Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I'm ducking so it hits someone else.
- (posted yesterday) Hi from Phoenix AZ. It's supposed to hit 99 degrees today! Waiting to hear if our lockdown continues past April 30th.
- I'm ready for all this to be over. I'm just not sure what will replace it.
- Cops should spray cannabis smoke instead of tear gas. Couldn't hurt.
- Due to the coronavirus, we need everyone to stay at home, riot and destroy their own stuff.
- Do you think common sense will ever make a comeback?
- Do you think people are born with photographic memories? Or do they take time to develop?
- Just a reminder-only three more months until pumpkin-spiced flavored everything!
- How much does it cost for a pirate to have his ears pierced? About a buccaneer.
- I've started telling people about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.
- I just heard that the King of Spain has been quarantined on his private aircraft. So, for now, the reign of Spain is mainly on the plane.
- Has anyone tried giving 2020 a Snickers?
- A new study confirms that cats can't spread the coronavirus, but would if they could.
FIRST FIVE COMMENTS THE ASTRONAUTS HAD UPON ARRIVING AT THE SPACE STATION
- OK, who just cut the cheese?
- That isn't Tang, is it?
- What if I think I left the iron on?
- Wanna put Uber Eats to the test?
- What do you mean there's no Netflix?
TOP FIVE THINGS THE CDC RECOMMENDS THAT REOPENING BUSINESSES NOT DO
- Do take employee temperatures, but NOT with THAT thermometer (you know the one)
- Stop blowing out candles at company birthday parties, use a blowdryer
- Definitely cease and desist Wedgie Wednesdays
- End the popular practice of Speedo Fridays
- Open a company kissing booth in the coffee room... .again
Laugh a little, would ya?