They actually had snow in parts of Montana last weekend. I blame Starbucks for bringing back the Pumpkin Spiced Latte too soon.
That seemed like a short weekend. Did they move the clocks ahead and not tell us?
I stand with people who don't have chairs. Just sayin'... .
In Arizona, a group called "Christians Against Dinosaurs" is demanding that a giant statue of a T-Rex out in front of a McDonald's be torn down. My guess is, at one time, it was a Confederate general.
They say a glass of red wine a day is good for your heart. If that's true, my heart should be good through at least 2037.
The Hallmark Channel is getting to roll out Fall Harvest movies. They're like the Christmas ones, just no decorated trees or snow. Same lawyer, same career woman looking for a change after her big breakup.
Now showing up in stores-Starbucks ready-to-drink espresso beverages, including Pumpkin Spice Latte and Peppermint Mocha. I think we're going to go out and get our tree this weekend.
Trader Joe's is now selling coffee plants, if you'd like to grow your own and have extreme patience.
A new study says eating a lot of processed foods can shortage your life. Just letting you know in case one of you have to take over for the show later on.
Will men be gone someday? Apparently, research shows the male-determining Y chromosome has far fewer genes than the X, which suggests it's gradually shrinking even further over time. In other words, appreciate me while I'm here and get me a beer.
The FAA has approved Amazon's Prime Air Service, which allows packages to be delivered by drone. The announcement was cheered by the Porch Thieves Union.
Last night's full moon was known as the "Corn Moon." On behalf of all the jokes told on this show, thank you.
Pilots landing at LAX Sunday say that a guy wearing a jetpack was seen flying by them. What some people won't do to avoid that middle seat.
Forbes says that 50-year-old Tyler Perry is a billionaire. I'm waiting for Madea to ask for her cut.
Illusionist David Blaine floating 23,000 feet above the Arizona desert yesterday using just helium balloons and then parachuted back down to earth. The most dangerous part of his stunt-he did the entire thing without wearing a face mask.
Oh, this is a Pilates class? I thought the sign outside said, "Pirates." My bad.
Ironic how the James Bond movie coming out in 2020 is called, "No Time To Die." Just sayin'...
I just discovered, when I say to myself, "Well, that sucks", Alexa thinks I'm talking to her.
From Facebook:
- Why is it so much easier to fall asleep on the couch unintentionally than to fall asleep in bed intentionally?
- A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Wow, I've never seen a weasel come in here before. What can I get you?" "Pop", goes the weasel.
- My goal in life is to piss off at least one person a day. Right now, I'm about four years ahead of schedule.
- I can't believe it's almost September. It literally feels like it was just March 16 years ago.
- A shoutout to all those who can remember their childhood phone number, but can't remember the password they created yesterday. You're my people!
- Now showing up in stores-Starbucks ready-to-drink espresso beverages, including Pumpkin Spice Latte and Peppermint Mocha. I think we're going to go out and get our tree this weekend.
- Wal-Mart is practically putting up the lights. You'll now find Hot Chocolate Frozen Cookie Dough with a reindeer on the package in their stores. Ho-ho.
- Trader Joe's is now selling coffee plants, if you'd like to grow your own and have extreme patience.
- There's a new chip flavor out there-Fried Pickle Ranch Chips. We're serious.
- and Amazon is now selling a 27-pound bucket of Macaroni and Cheese. That's 188 servings of beautiful carbohydrates. Your love handles will never go hungry again. You'll put on 5-pounds just reading the label.
- Wine is not the answer. Wine is the question. Yes is the answer.
- Just try to remember--the greener grass on the other side of the fence may be due to a septic tank leak.
- One day, 2020 will be code for out of control. "How was your day?" "A total 2020!" "Say no more!"
- Remember, this Labor Day, try not to think about your next holiday not being until Thanksgiving.
- This country is acting like a class with a substitute teacher.
- I needed to do laundry but then realized I was out of detergent. So I went to write it down on the shopping list when I realized how unorganized the junk drawer was, and started checking pens for ink. When I went to toss all the junk, I noticed the kitchen trash was full, but before I took it out, I thought I better check the fridge for old food. That's when I noticed the juice had leaked, but when I went to grab a rag to clean it up, I saw the pantry was a nightmare, so I started organizing it. And that's how I ended up on the floor looking at photos from the 1990s instead of doing laundry.
TOP FIVE THINGS I STILL GOT TO GET AROUND TO DOING THIS SUMMER
- Taking down the Christmas lights
- Clean off the fireworks that landed on the roof
- Cleaning the barbecue
- Filling up the wading pool
- Mowing the lawn for the first time this year
TOP FIVE PLANS FOR LABOR DAY WEEKEND
- Doing a marathon. Either "The Office" or "Breaking Bad."
- Finally doing that long talked about trip to the side yard.
- Learning how to count the steps to the mailbox in Swedish
- Hose down the tent and hang it in the yard to dry and just say we went camping
- Changing the name of those Christmas lights still up to "Labor Day Lights"
Laugh a little, would ya?
