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Our 1,276th Edition
September 11th, 2020

We all remember where we were

South Dakota did NOT cancel their state fair this year and they gathered all weekend long. The big hit of this year's fair-deep fried Purell.

Satellite pictures show giant holes suddenly appearing in the Siberian tundra. My guess-giant Siberian gophers.

They held the Kentucky Derby over the weekend. The horse I bet on is almost across the line.

Google gave their employees last Friday off as a "Mental Health Day", so they could have a 4-day weekend. So, Google employees, we're expecting you all to do the heavy lifting this week.

President Trump says he's doing what he can to keep politics out of a coronavirus vaccine. Although, when they get one that works, its going to be called "fourmoreyearus."

I'm picturing Smokey Bear somewhere, shaking his head, saying, "Why do I even bother... .?"

Forbes has published their latest list of the richest Americans. I don't even have to open the cover. If they only had a magazine called, "Overextended" or something more practical.

I went and had a DEXA scan the other day. That's where a machine scans your body and lets you know the percentages of your fat versus muscles and bones. The doctor told me it was the first time he ever heard the machine giggle.

Los Angeles is the first major city to ban trick or treating on Halloween. It may or may not happen here, but to play it safe, I'm going to start eating that bag of candy now....

They've also banned haunted houses and all ghosts, zombies and werewolves will be required to wear masks.

I guess I was just hoping that the smoke in the air would end up killing the murder hornets and some of this stuff would just all work out.

Of course, the biggest concern is that the wildfires will burn down things before the rioters can get to them. Yeah, modern problems.

Apple is revealing the iPhone 12 next Tuesday, just in case you were still happy with your older iPhone.

Wal-Mart is testing drone grocery and household item delivery. If successful, next they'll try out rocket-pack greeters.

I'm just picturing, "Buck Rogers: 21st Century Delivery Guy!"

The biggest problem with Zoom meetings is you never know when you have to be done picking your nose before the camera comes on.

The latest issue of The Guardian includes an article that written entirely by a computer. And for the record, the computer says the copy machine is a bitch.

Pope Francis says that the pleasures of food and sex are ‘simply divine.' I'm assuming that's not at the same time.

Apple has developed a new type of facemasks for their employees. Once they get all their employees equipped, they may make them available to the public. But of course, not to PC users.

I'm surprised that for the dairy-free Harry Potter fans, they haven't come up with an "I can't believe it's not Butter Beer" for them.

You know, I hate when they say that it's some random, made-up holiday. But I just noticed that today is "Random Made-Up Holiday Day" and I don't know how to feel.

From Facebook:

  • The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
  • Anyone else concerned about the 2020 season finale?
  • I never thought I would be the type of person who could get up early in the morning and exercise. And I was right.
  • I like to party and by party, I mean drink coffee with no pants on.
  1. Clouds seem to be forming a huge skull and crossbones
  2. Weather forecast recommends staying inside for two years
  3. For some reason, right now the song, "Smoke gets in your eyes" really ticks you off
  4. A plane flying overhead just got stuck
  5. You see a robin wearing a gas mask
  1. Instead of towel in center's pants, he'll have a roll of Clorox wipes
  2. Playing without protection and never getting sick finally proves Tom Brady is not human
  3. Red Zone being renamed "Purell Place"
  4. Well, there's that new "intentional coughing" rule
  5. Cheerleaders now wearing skimpy PPE outfits
Laugh a little, would ya?

PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!
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