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Our 1,279th Edition
October 2nd, 2020

All the news that's fit to email

If liar's pants really did catch on fire, this week's debate would have been more entertaining.

There have been 27 amendments to the U.S. constitution. Among those that have been proposed but failed: renaming our country "The United States of Earth" and making divorce illegal. Hey, when exes are outlawed, only outlaws will have exes.

Sarah Lyons of McKees Rocks, Pennsylvania, bowled a 300 game last week. Sarah is 96-years-old. 96 is what I usually bowl!

Just a couple of days to go in September. Almost time to brag about having your Christmas lights up least to those who don't know you never took them down.

They say that the average person has 8 coffee mugs they got for free. There are at least two people out there right now that should know--I have your mugs!!

A gang of hungry raccoons have been terrorizing San Francisco's Golden Gate Park lately. If nothing else, they were all wearing masks.

The 1.75 liter bottle of boozy egg nog has arrived at Costco, just $9.99. For those who'd like to skip October and November.

To save you having to buy multiple candy bars, Reese's is introducing "Colliders" -- a vanilla desert cup with chunks of their candy bars inside. Again, we're getting to the point where we just stick everything we want in a blender, press go and dig in.

General Mills is releasing an "Elf" cereal, based on the Will Ferrell movie. A tasty way for you to get a bigger butty.

Carole Baskin got the boot on "Dancing With The Stars" Monday night. So far, all the judges are still around.

Yes, Carole Baskin was eliminated on "Dancing With The Stars"-not first-husband-style eliminated, just voted off.

The Flintstones are celebrating their 60th anniversary this week! Of course, their daughter grew up to be the singer, Fruity Pebbles.

How's this idea for a presidential debate moderator? Samuel L. Jackson. It would no doubt be the first time "Shut the BLEEP up" would ever be stated at one of those debates.

According to a new survey, only 9% of Americans trust the media "a great deal." 33% don't trust them at all! In fact, there's so much mistrust, I don't know why I'm bothering to tell you this.

Well, the first presidential debate is in the books. Two more are scheduled. The VP's debate next Wednesday. Right now, the fact-checking industry is booming.

From Facebook: It's not pre-marital sex if you never get married. Follow me for more life tips!

Washington State has made it legal for cyclists to come to a stop sign and do a rolling stop, rather than having to come to a complete stop. Next, they're working on a law that would fully legalize sneezing.

I think the toughest thing to believe from that New York Times article on the President is that we're looking at $70,000 in hairstyles.

They say that in the Philippines, there's an explosion of unplanned babies due to everyone being trapped at home because of the virus. They know what causes that.

From Facebook:
  • With everything going on, you'd think that America is cursed or something. Like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground. Oh, wait...
  • I am a dog owner. My hobbies include neglecting my appearance, dreaming of clean floors, constantly asking, "What's that in your mouth?" and never peeing by myself.
  • How to be happier: Don't watch the news and stay off the bathroom scale.
  • Mom always said to keep working until my bank account balance looked like a phone number. Well, I'm proud to say I've made it. It's now $9.11.
  • That awful feeling when you don't want to get up and pee because you're comfy, but you can't sleep because you've got to pee.
  • We've been friends so long, I can't remember which one of us is the bad influence.
  • You know you're in trouble when the voices in your head form a chat group.
  • Sometimes the sweetest revenge is watching their life fall apart decades after they said that really mean thing to you in high school.
  • If you ask if I've had coffee and I say "no", please just assume our conversation is over.
  • Dogs 2020-because humans suck!
  • We're going to have to retire the phrase, "Avoid it like the plague", because it turns out humans don't do that.
  • Ran out of toilet paper so using leaf lettuce. What happens when we run out? Romaines to be seen.
  • Do men's ears really work or are they just for show? Asking for a friend.
  • You don't go to Target because you need something. You go to Target and let Target tell you what you need.
  • If you ask if I've had coffee and I say "no", please just assume our conversation is over.
  • According to a Japanese legend, when you can't sleep at night, it is because you are awake. OK, not a great legend... .
  • Chris Wallace's performance at the debate the other night is further proof we need to pay our kindergarten teachers more.
  • Follow me for more stalking tips


  1. Pumpkin-Spiced Lutefisk
  2. Pumpkin-Spiced Spiced Pumpkin
  3. Pumpkin-Spiced Water
  4. Pumpkin-Spiced Popcorn Salt
  5. Pumpkin-Spiced Mouthwash


  1. Turning the clocks back and realizing you've just added an hour to 2020
  2. Deciding if you should eat that bag of Halloween candy now... or tomorrow
  3. Realizing that the audience on The Masked Singer is fake
  4. Being told you have a Pumpkin-Spice allergy
  5. Being caught dumping leaves in your neighbor's yard
Laugh a little, would ya?

PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!
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