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Our 1,285th Edition
Friday the 13th, 2020

Just sounds ominous, doesn't it?

Just curious. Anyone have beach ball sized jellyfish off of South Carolina? If so, you probably have a Bingo!

Oh, to be a fly on the wall in the White House. Or, the vice-president's hair.

Actually, I heard the president was so upset by the results that he missed a two-foot putt.

So, Michigan, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania all went Biden. The president finally got his wall built, although a blue one.

Scathing reviews are already coming in on "Fatman", where Mel Gibson plays a down-on-his-luck Santa Claus. Makes you glad the theaters are closed, doesn't it?

Jeff Bezos company, Blue Origins, is planning to start schedule deliveries to the moon by 2023. Makes me wonder who the hell is ordering stuff there.

As I've grown older, I've realized... .something.

With word of a possible coronavirus vaccine yesterday, Zoom stock crashed... as hopefully, people will no longer need to do everything from home. We've got a spokesperson from Zoom with us on a Zoom call, are you guys a bit upset about the news? Uh, your mute is on. Hello? We'll get back to you later...

McDonald's is going to roll out a new McPlant chicken sandwich next year. Ba-da-bop-bop-ba, I'm avoiding it.

The Collins Dictionary has named "lockdown" the word of the year for 2020. Well, there's another word they considered-the one that usually precedes lockdown-but it probably would have offended a lot of people.

Make today a great day. Remember, by the grace of God, you could have been a New York Jets fan.

Experts are saying there's no need to cancel Thanksgiving but do play it safe. Meanwhile, Turkeys are calling to cancel everything, as you would expect.

Not to be over-critical, but sit up straight, for God's sake!

A former Amazon engineer claims he has created an app that will translate what your cat is trying to say to you. Let's pause here for a moment-do you really want to know?

They say the biggest problem in America is blame. And you know whose fault that is, right? Yep-yours!

Some Ring video doorbells are being recalled because of a fire danger. So, that smoke coming from your front porch could mean someone's at the door.

May I just say, "Friday the 13th---you ain't got nothin' on 2020!"

Saw a fun word for the first time today: "Beercation."

They found 500 murder hornets in that Washington State tree a couple of weeks ago, although some did plead down to manslaughter.

I look for the little victories each week. For example, on Veterans Day, I'm very proud that I didn't go and check the mail once that day. First time in a while.

From Facebook:
  • With all this stress eating, I'll be at 270 before either of the two candidates.
  • It feels like we're all in a divorce court, waiting to see who gets custody of us.
  • Aren't you supposed to call your doctor if your election lasts this long?
  • Me before coffee: Judgmental and sarcastic. Me after coffee: Judgmental and sarcastic, but faster.
  • Your idiot name is your first name and whatever your last name is.
  • If White Claw doesn't come out with an Egg Nog flavor and call them Santa Claws, why are we even here?
  • Do you know why birds sing in the morning? Because they don't have to head into work!
  • Of all the things I learned in school, trying to avoid Cooties was the last one I expected to use later in life.
  • Today marks 6 years that we've been in 2020.
  • You know its cold outside when you go outside and its cold.
  • So you're telling me that Noah grabbed two bed bugs and two roaches and threw them on the ark?
  • A large part of being a mom is staring at them until they start behaving better.
  • I hate people who fall asleep right away. It takes me 4 hours, 7 pillow flips, 11 different positions, 2 trips to the bathroom and a partridge in a pear tree.
  • To me, essential oils are what drips out of tacos.
  • This week has been a long year.
  • I never know what to say when people ask what my hobbies are. I'm a mom. I enjoy trips to the bathroom and silence.
  • I can't believe that in 2020, the only thing we agreed on in our country was that Carole Baskin killed her first husband.
  • It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
  • Marriage tip #2-When your wife is mowing the lawn, that's not the best time to ask when dinner will be ready.
  • How soon after waking up is it OK to take a nap?
  • Where would I be without coffee? In bed.
  • Don't believe cartoons. No matter how hard you throw a toilet plunger, they won't stick to someone's face. Don't ask how I know this.
  • The loungewear at home has slowly transitioned into sweatpants.
  • You know you're in trouble when the little voices in your head start a chat group.
  • In your favorite search engine, type
  • My roommate says our house is haunted. I've lived here 300 years and I've never noticed anything.
  • I don't care how old I am, if I see a toy with a "try me" button on it, I'm pushing it!


  1. Turkey Zombies
  2. Another Borat movie
  3. A presidential election recount reveals that Kanye actually won.
  4. Popularity of at-home accordion lessons skyrockets
  5. Pfizer says they were just kidding


  1. "He Wore Ballot Boxers"
  2. "Affair at the Fair"
  3. "Heart Transplants in Love"
  4. "Hickey Under the Mistletoe"
  5. "My She Shed Romance"


  1. Masker
  2. Distancer
  3. Spreader
  4. Purella
  5. Washer
Laugh a little, would ya?

PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!
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