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Our 1,304th Edition
Friday, April 2nd, 2021

In case you missed it yesterday.

And a reminder that all six years are available anytime you need a laugh at www.nationalgullibleday.org

Time to get serious--about this week's jokes.

Seriously -- there are three new flavors of Pop Tarts coming: Banana Creme Pie, Lemon Creme Pie and Peach Cobbler. Because that's I'm already having for breakfast every day.

I'm just kicking myself for kicking myself so much.

A new study claims that 30% of women drink wine while taking a bath. Well, that explains the corks in the tub.

Today is Good Friday. As if there are any bad ones.

According to a new study, depression, tiredness and stress have led to fewer people having sex. 12% of those responding admitted they hadn't had an intimate experience in over 3 years. Well, with someone else.

I was disappointed to find out that "Godzilla versus King Kong" was a courtroom drama.

Lil Nas X has unveiled Satan Nikes, an unauthorized all-black shoe, each containing a real drop of blood. Stepping up first to criticize them, The Church Lady.

They're only going to make 666 of them and they're going for $1,018, a reference to the Bible passage Luke 10:18 that reads: "I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. Now, verily, just doeth it!" OK, I made that last part up.

The U.S. Men's soccer team was eliminated from the Olympics on Sunday. That'll be 16 years since they were last there. The good news--that jersey you have will continue having that like-new look.

Everyone was so shocked and surprised that a ship got stuck in the Suez Canal. Hey, when you're 156 years old, it's just not that unusual for something to get stuck in your canal

We're in such a hurry to get things back to "normal", we're turning "spreader events" into normal.

I am always in your corner. But just remember, that's also where the dog pees.

You are worthy of love. Oh, wait. Sorry. I didn't know YOU were reading this.

In other news, the women who have made accusations against New York Governor Mario Cuomo have organized and are going to form their own basketball league.

Just reminding you-U.S. coffee bean supplies are at an all-time low. Yesterday, I saw Mrs. Olson going into a pawn shop.

NASA says that the world should be free from a collision with an asteroid for the next 100 years. You should be able to cancel your Asteroid Insurance and speaking of that, it may be a good time to ask yourself, "Why do I have Asteroid Insurance?" I mean, if you need to collect, how's that going to work?

President Biden's dog, Major, bit someone else-a National Parks Service employee. That would make the second time this has happened. And of course, there's the "three bites, you're out."

It feels redundant to hate ‘hate crimes'.

Now Volkswagen says the story about them renaming their electric cars to Voltswagens was just a joke. Hey, comedy is hard.

New York's Governor Cuomo has signed a bill legalizing marijuana in the state. Makes me wonder if he's hoping that'll make people forget about everything.

It's been a rough morning. Just a moment ago, I found some Cinnamon Toast Crunch on one of my shrimp tails!

Tara Reid says that she believes there will be a fifth "American Pie" movie. Of course, that immediately inspires the question, "Why?"

Pfizer says that their vaccine should be good for six months. If that's the case, now would probably be a good time to start making my appointment for the next one.

There was a time that I was afraid that, when I retired, I would be bored. I'm happy to announce that I'm officially over that fear.

From Facebook:
  • Mockingbirds originated the retweet.
  • Sadly, I do my best proofreading right after I hit sund.
  • This morning, my house was robbed. They left the jewelry and took the toilet paper!
  • I hear that Hooter's is going to start delivering and change it's name to Knockers.
  • When a man says he'll do anything for a woman, he means fight bad guys and kill dragons, not vacuum or do dishes.
  • Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a Pyramid scheme to me.
  • IF you ever see me running, kill whatever is chasing me.
  • You can tell a guy exactly where to go in your purse and he'll still bring the entire purse back.
  • When the 4th grader says, "Learning is asynchronous", you long for the good old days.
  • Can anyone tell me if the "skulls of your enemies" are dishwasher-proof? Asking for a friend.
  • All of you calling for Father's Day to be renamed Special Person's Day, you already have your day. It's April 1st.
  • You haven't experienced heartbreak until you've been thinking about leftovers all day and when you come home, someone has eaten them.
  • Enjoy your 20s because when you hit 30, the Check Knees light comes on.
  • SHE: You told me you'd spend your whole life trying to make me happy. HE: I didn't expect you to live this long.
  • Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch. Yeti never minds.
  • OK then, TOMORROW will be the first day of the rest of my life.
  • What's your dream job? Well, in my dreams, I don't work.
  • I hate it when co-workers act like supervisors. Please act your wage.
  • Thank you for not thinking I'm weird. I mean, we both know I'm weird, but you accept it and that makes me happy.
  • Sometimes the first step towards forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
  • Welcome to social media. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.
  • I often wonder who Pete is, and why we do things for his sake.


  1. You just cut a beautiful bouquet of flowers from your neighbor's yard
  2. You taught robins how to sing "99 bottles of beer on the wall"
  3. The buds on the tree. Seriously, you like to decorate your trees with cans of Budweiser
  4. You decided it was time to drive with the window down. Unfortunately, you decided that while going through a car wash.
  5. You just subscribed to Birds and Bees Magazine


  1. Cleans the plate with Dawn dish soap
  2. First play-calls a handball.
  3. Asks the question, "I forget. How many quarters in the game?"
  4. He just called, "Ball five!"
  5. Standing behind the catcher, but facing the wrong way


  1. Face it. It HAS been a long week. When we started it,
  2. To play it safe, you started wearing a helmet at your desk on Wednesday
  3. Earlier today, you stood on top of the building threatening to jump if it wasn't Friday
  4. The open-weeping if it wasn't 5 o'clock started Tuesday
  5. You thought it was Friday 5 days ago
Laugh a little, would you??

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