They say once you go WACK, you never go back

How is physically possible that three-day weekends can feel so short?

I'm noticing that three-day weekends no longer deeply satisfy me. They only make me want more.

I'm waiting for the day that the name "Hoover Dam" is deemed offensive and they change it to "Hoover Darn."

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were forced to fire an "irresponsible" night nurse after an "incident" during the night. The night nurse they really wanted, refused to sign their non-disclosure agreement. She described the agreement as too ‘supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

I watched Zach Snyder's "Army of the Dead" over the weekend. It's the story of a mean, sadistic, cruel, undead monster who directs a zombie movie.

A man ran out onto the court during an NBA playoff game Monday night between the Washington Wizards and Philadelphia 76ers. Republicans were quick to say it was no big deal and if you didn't know any better, he might have just been taking a shortcut to the restroom.

A new study says that a fatty heart, regardless of your weight, could cause health problems. That makes sense, but no need to get into name-calling.

In Atlanta, a man drove his car right into a Barnes and Noble. Not surprising, the store owner threw the book at him.

Wait. Russian hackers are now messing with our meat supply? OK, now I'm ticked!

Anheuser-Busch says it's going to give away free beer if the nation reaches President Joe Biden's goal to have 70% of US adults receive at least one dose of the vaccine by July 4. I believe it's now time to bring out the COVID vaccine dart guns.

According to a new study, 60% of us say that we have experienced some kind of déjà vu before. In a related story, 60% of us say that we have experienced some kind of déjà vu before.

From Facebook:

• Prayers needed. Nothing wrong, I just want to win the lotto and quit my job.
• When I say, "I'm hungry," we've got about 23 minutes before I'm a different person.
• Moses: the first man to download files from a cloud using a tablet.
• I think the proper term for senior women should be 'Queen-agers'
• I don't know what the secret to happiness is, but all I know is, I've never been sad at a Mexican restaurant.
• The pandemic isn't officially over until they start serving samples again at Costco.
• Can you perform under pressure? No, but I hum a mean Bohemian Rhapsody!
• Some people are like birds. You help them to fly and once they're in the air, they crap on you.
• I spent my entire life savings on pasta. It was worth every penne.
• Siri, why am I so bad at relationships with women? This is Alexa.
• English is important, but history is more importanter.

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'RE DOING WAY TOO MUCH ONLINE SHOPPING

1. Amazon considers renaming Prime Day after you
2. All of your credit cards are smoldering
3. You know the Amazon delivery guy's name, birthday, pet peeves
4. You haven't gotten up from your computer in two months
5. You just bought a robot that will bring in your packages for you

1. The day off allows me to take all the things I would have put off on Monday to Wednesday!
2. I get to hear the phrase ‘Dads and Grads' in commercials today
3. I was tired of May's picture on the calendar
4. By the time I think it's Thursday, it'll be Friday
5. Only four work days long