Donnie Wahlberg and Jenny McCarthy renewed their vows last week to celebrate their 7th wedding anniversary. In Hollywood, that's equal to 143 years.
I'd like to report a missing 3-day weekend. Man, where did that go?
President Biden visited New Orleans last Friday, to see the damage caused by Hurricane Ida. He came fully prepared, with boots, waterproof gear and some beads, you know, just in case.
Drake dropped his sixth studio album early on Friday, called, "Certified Lover Boy." For those of you wondering, yes, I granted him permission.
Wow, now Israel is talking about a 4th COVID vaccine shot. Can Pfizer chewables be far off?
What do you for someone you've known for a lot of years who is afraid to ask questions? Asking for a friend.
A new study says that walking 7.000 steps a day reduces your risk of death by 70%. Wish me luck on making it to the end of this show.
The COVID variants keep coming. We're dealing with Delta, Lambda and Mu are on the way. Then there's the cha-cha-cha, which I hear is really catchy.
North Korean leader Kim Jong Un is demanding immediate action on Climate Change. It scares me that I actually agree with him on something.
When will the worker shortage end? Well, naturally, when we get taller workers.
Last Saturday was National Be Late For Something Day. Since we're just now getting around to telling you that, there's our contribution.
Canada's Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was on a campaign stop the other day when protesters threw gravel at him. Why gravel? My guess would be they couldn't find any rocks.
There's nothing that will harsh your buzz on a cool fall afternoon faster than walking through a spider web. Yech!
How did I get "Friday Tired" on a Thursday during a 4-day work week?
A Texas restaurant couldn't get people to work as waiters, so they're actually using robots to guide people to their tables and take orders. Thinking about that, I'd imagine you wouldn't have to tip if they're machines. That is, until they equip them with lasers.
President Biden is offering a 6-step plan to fight the virus. When you see anyone, immediately take 6 steps back. I thought we were already doing that?
A new study claims that too much spare time actually lowers your sense of well-being. Not a concern.
In North Carolina, Flying Dog Brewing is taking on the state after it was ruled that the label on one of their beers was "in bad taste." Taking a lesson from the Beatles, why not just offer ‘The White Beer'.
From Facebook
- Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
- I enjoy a glass of wine every night for its health benefits. The other four glasses are for my witty comments and flawless dance moves.
- My generation is tough. I mean, we used to watch clowns for breakfast.
- You know, there are people out there training for the Olympics and here I am: trying to snag the remote with my phone charger cord.
- I'm at the stage of life where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
- If the people who keep calling other folks ‘sheep' would please stop taking animal de-wormer, that would be great.
- I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you ‘stupid'. I thought you already knew.
- I'm super lazy today. It's like normal lazy, but today, I'm wearing a cape!
- Cell phones have Airplane Mode. They should have Drunk Mode, which blocks you from sending texts.
- I hate when somebody rings my doorbell because then I have to drop everything and be quiet until they go away.
- I don't mean to brag, but at the store, cashiers are always checking me out.
- I posted a picture of my clean house and Facebook took it down as "fake news."
- I'm on two diets now. I just wasn't getting enough food on just one.
- Whoever decided to take bench seats out of cars never had a girlfriend.
- When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?
- Christmas has been canceled this year. The elves found out they could make more on unemployment.
- Every time the universe sends me a sign, I'm like, "OK, but I'm going to wait for a signier sign."
- Owning a dog is perfect for anyone who never wants to eat a whole sandwich again.
- One day I was born. Then everything bothered me. And that brings us up to date.
- That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong that even spellcheck says, "I got nothin', man."
TOP FIVE BEST THINGS ABOUT 4-DAY WORK WEEKS
- It helps me cut back on wasting so much time on Facebook
- I don't have to publicly declare my immense hate for Mondays
- Now I'm putting everything I was going to do Tuesday off until Wednesday
- I've got one less day to screw up or not care
- They're usually 100% Monday Free
TOP FIVE SIGNS THAT BAND ON STAGE PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE DOING A COMEBACK TOUR
- All the lyrics are sung as a question
- Third pee break tonight!
- The lead singer is an Avatar
- Three of them have IV's
- Walkers all over the stage
Laugh a little, would ya?
