"What a Wacky Week"!

- Tim Hunter –

 

“Can you believe we’re exactly 11 months away

from the next after-Christmas sales?!”

 

Drop an e-mail my way: tim@wackyweek.com

 

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Friday, January 26th, 2007

 

In California, the state legislature is considering a measure that would make spanking your kids against the law.  Sounds like a few legislators need a “time out”.

 

Muslim groups are protesting against the show, “24”, saying that it portrays Islamic terrorists as perennial villains.  Yeah, I don’t know where they get it, either.

 

When Muslim groups complained to FOX about the “unfair portrayal” of Islamic terrorists, network officials were so quiet, it was like a bomb went off.

 

Word from Cuba is that Fidel Castro is getting worse.  At least, as worse as you can get from “not being seen in public for six months”.

 

In Los Angeles, that big conference on global warming was cancelled due to icy roads.

 

Former President Bush is going to celebrate his 85th birthday by going on another parachute jump with his brand-new hip.  His son, President Bush, once tried parachuting…but after he got on the plane, he couldn’t figure a way out.  He’s always having these “exit strategy” issues.

 

The former president says he parachutes because the feeling of free-falling.  He says it makes him feel like his son in the polls.

 

The first womb transplant is going to be preformed in the United States soon.  Doctors have told the patient that the charge will appear on her bill as “womb service”.

 

A skull was found in Romania that has both human and Neanderthal features.  Ironically, it appears that the guy was insured with Geico.

 

In Oklahoma, they‘ve got freezing temperatures and ice everywhere.  In fact, the only thing that was able to keep moving was that darn Coors Light Silver Bullet train.

 

The "American Idol" judges are being criticized this year for being unnecessarily cruel.  In fact, they’re being accused of sending out that “Saddam and his cat” e-mail!

 

Leonardo DiCaprio says his rise to success in “Titanic” almost made him want to quit acting.  Gee, if only we could have done something to save him from all that success.

 

They say Britney Spears is heading back to the recording studio.  She thinks that’s where she left one of her kids.

 

Gas prices have fallen 14 cents in the last two weeks.  Actually, they didn’t fall.  They slipped on ice.

 

Lindsay Lohan has checked herself into rehab.  You know, to be honest, I don’t remember her habbing the first time.

 

Newt Gingrinch says he’d run for President in 2008 as a last resort.  The most important question of all:  “So who asked?”

 

A rare occurrence: they got snow this week in Arizona.  Senator John McCain has launched an exploratory committee to measure just how much.

 

The show “24” is done in real time.  An hour of the show is an hour of the story.  Do you ever wonder why none of the real exciting parts never happen during the commercial breaks?

 

The Hollywood movie rating system is going through some changes.  There’s a new “BA” rating that warns viewers before they go that the movie may contain Ben Affleck.

 

Paris Hilton has pleaded “No contest” on the charge of drunk driving following her September 7th arrest.  Was she drunk?  No contest.

 

Roy Disney, the nephew of Walt Disney, has filed for divorce after 51 years of marriage.  He said his marriage had become “the unhappiest place on earth”.

 

The TV show “Heroes” introduced a new character this week: an invisible man.  If you didn’t see the episode, well, neither did those who watched.

 

Sylvester Stallone says he gave up sex while filming the latest “Rocky” movie.  If that’s all it takes to star in a movie, I’m all ready to start filming mine.

 

What with comments made at the Golden Globes and all the drunk-driving arrests, no wonder Hollywood seems so confused.  MADD is glad, GLAAD is mad….

 

Microsoft is seeking a patent on what they’re calling “immortal computing” that would allow you to send e-mail long after you were dead.  I’ve already got a title for the movie version of this story:  “Spam of the damned”

 

Bill Clinton says he’s ready to be “the first man”.  And for years, Hillary’s known she’s not “the last woman” so, we’ve got a deal!

 

Big day for the Democratic Party today: not one member announced they were running for president!

 

Senator John Kerry has announced he won’t be running for president in 2008. So in other words, it’s time to finally scrape off that bumper sticker.

Now he can give full attention to his lifetime dream of doing stand-up comedy. Although, there are some swift joke veterans out there that could be trouble…..

 

A survey among business managers found that getting a promotion is as stressful as getting a divorce…and if your wife is going to divorce you if you don’t get a promotion, you’re screwed either way!

 

A restaurant group is slamming the Kevin Federline Superbowl commercial for Nationwide Insurance, saying that it portrays burger flippers as a job for failures. That’s gotta make Kevin feel good: even burger flippers don’t want to have a thing to do with him.

 

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are talking about getting married on 7-7-07, because Tony feels like it would be a lucky date.  Hey, EVERY date with Eva is a lucky date.

 

A new study says that every year, the Superbowl costs American businesses over $820-million in lost productivity, which is terrible: I had $880-million in our “office pool”.

 

Would you believe….”The Baghdad Bowl”? During the CBS Super Bowl pre-game show, U.S. soldiers in Iraq - male and female – will put on Colts and Bears jerseys for a game of touch football. Wonder if there will be a half-time show for their half-time show?

 

In Wales, lonely farmers are going to put their pictures on milk cartons, hoping to find love.  Underneath their picture, the slogan, “Wanna enjoy a little dairy air?”

 

TOP FIVE GOALS PRESIDENT BUSH OUTLINED IN HIS STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH

 

#5) To secure a lasting peace between Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell

#4) To move away from cars that run on oil and more towards those that run on gasoline

#3) So that no Americans are left behind, he’s going to create a new department of Homeland Insecurity

#2) By the end of the year, he promises the U.S. will finally capture Barack Obama

#1) To stop global warming by making Hillary Clinton Ambassador to Antarctica

 

Laugh a little, would ya?

                Tim