This Week's Wacks

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June 22nd, 2007

The Space Shuttle Atlantis astronauts had to deal with a computer crash on the International Space Station. To add insult to injury, the Mac guy from those Mac/PC commercials went floating by wearing a space suit and giving them all a smug look.

To make matters worse, the only movie they've got on board the shuttle is a DVD of "Apollo 13."

In India, a 73-year-old man trying to finally earn his high school diploma has failed the exam for the 38th time. He says, "One more and that'll make an even 50." I think we're on to something here...

Angelina Jolie said in an interview that she and Brad Pitt hope to have as many as 14 kids. Brad said in a different interview if that's true, he hoped to have as many as two ex-wives.

Another Father's Day has come and gone. Sorry dad, but we're all done sucking up again for another year.

Every year, my family gets me the same thing for Father's Day: an airline ticket. And always one way!

Aw, the Monday after Father's Day... the day that NBA players set aside every year to go through all the cards.

I keep reading about all the problem with Abbas over in Palestine. I didn't even realize they were back together.

Kobe Bryant has told the Lakers that he wants to be traded... and, to no one's surprise, he says he wants to take the ball with him.

The Lakers have told Kobe absolutely, positively not...before noon.

Jon Cryer from "Two and a Half Men" and TV reporter Lisa Joyner were married over the weekend. Now he can finally move out of Charlie Sheen's house.

In a hand-written letter on display in Israel, Sir Isaac Newton -- the father of modern astronomy and physics -- predicted years ago that the world is going to end in 2060. That gives us a few years to build a time machine so we can send Bruce Willis off into the future to save us.

Researchers at the University of Oregon claim that paying taxes actually trigger feelings of happiness and satisfaction. This according to a survey of over a hundred COMPLETELY FRIGGIN' INSANE PEOPLE!

Space Shuttle astronauts are still wrestling with those computers up at the International Space Station. The worst part has been being thousands of miles above the earth and spending all that time on hold with tech support.

By the way, all that computer grief proved one thing: in space, people actually CAN hear you scream.

"The Price is Right" host Bob Barker won his 19th Daytime Emmy last Friday. Of course, he won 12 of those before daytime was invented.

A new survey says that Moscow is now the world's most expensive city. Well, there go my vacation plans.

Tiger Woods is a daddy. I can't wait for the first time to ask his daughter, "Who's your daddy's caddy?"

The name of Tiger's new little baby girl: Sam Alexis Woods. Thank goodness it was a girl. If they had a boy, his name was going to be "Nike Buick Woods."

Rosie O'Donnell as the new host of "The Price is Right?" To show how ready she is for the job, she's already started a feud with Wink Martindale!

The Secret Service has given the code name "Renegade" to presidential hopeful Barrack Obama. Hillary will keep the same one she had while she was in the White House, "Arctic Blast."

Whole Foods is trying to take over the Wild Oats chain. If the two merge, the result would be the world's largest health food store that I'll never go into.

Hillary Clinton has announced the theme song for her presidential campaign. It's Celine Dion's, "You and I."  The one that finished a close second? Carrie Underwood's "Before he cheats."

Good news from Hollywood. As part of the big drive to "Go Green," General Motors says they're darn close to perfecting the hybrid Shrek. Can't get much greener than that!

Ralph Nader is hinting that he may run for president in 2008. The first clue: he's having his sweater ironed.

Christina Aguilera is reportedly telling friends that she's pregnant.  However, it's early enough that she doesn't know yet if it's a pimp or a ho.

Thursday is the Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year... unless, of course, you're a Texas Rangers season ticket holder. Then there are 81 more just like it.

According to a new study, confidence in the U.S. Congress has sunk to an all-time low of 15%. And that's just among other members of congress.

The great part about a 15% approval rating -- it allows each member of congress to feel presidential.

Today is "Take Your Dog To Work Day"... uh, except you, Michael Vick.

A new study says that lights, locks and an alarm system can deter burglars. Boy, who could have seen that coming?

Paris Hilton has written a letter from jail, telling all of her fans that she's doing all right. I'm shocked! Paris can write?


   1. "Hard Hobbit to Break"
   2. "One Tolkien over the line"
   3. "Stuck in the Middle Earth with you"
   4. "Gandalph the girls I've loved before"
   5. "That's what friends are Frodo"