This Week's Wacks
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August 17th, 2007
"Daddy Day Camp" has hit the movie theaters. If you're thinking about going, remember: this is the movie industry's version of "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?"
The stock market has been having its fair share of rough times lately. Yesterday, I saw Donald Trump pulling his hair out....putting it back....and then pulling it out again.
Britney Spears was in a fender-bender, when she drove her car into a parked car in a Studio City parking lot. Maybe she SHOULD let one of the kids drive...
In Colorado, a Catholic priest has been arrested for jogging in the nude. He told police he sweats too much if he wears clothes. I'm going to stop there.
Former Wisconsin Governor Tommy Thompson has dropped out of the race for president. This after Republicans held a straw poll over the weekend in Iowa and Thompson finished below the straw.
One of the president's chief advisors, Karl Rove, is leaving the White House at the end of the month. When asked what he was going to do without his right hand man, President Bush said, "Well, obviously, I'm going to have to use my left hand more."
In Egypt, an airline passenger was stopped when he tried to board a plane with five live snakes and a few baby crocodiles. Where was Samuel L. Jackson when you really needed him?
The President of Venezuela says that the price of oil is heading for $100 a barrel. I think it's about time we as a country quit hiding our heads in the sand and once and for all, come up with a way to make cheaper barrels.
Hurricane Flossie is making it's way angrily through the Pacific Ocean. Hey, if you were given the name "Flossie," you'd be a little ticked, too!
I'm so proud. The other day, my kid wrote a letter to China, complaining about all the lead in their toys. He just grabbed a piece of paper and began writing the letter...using a Chinese toy as his pencil.
President Bush's top adviser, Karl Rove, is leaving. Wouldn't you know it? Someone in the Bush administration finally comes up with an exit plan and what do they do? They exit!
In Norway, Princess Martha Louise has caused quite a stir by saying that she communicates with angels...although, most of the time, it's just an occasional e-mail with Vladimir Guerrero!
A toothpaste made in China is being recalled because it contains an ingredient used to make antifreeze. People who had used it said the toothpaste tasted funny, but it gave them such a radiator smile.
Great! Doctors say that Lindsay Lohan has developed an addiction to rehab centers. Now what are they supposed to do?
I'm trying out that "South Beach Diet." I wonder if the North Beach Diet is any less sandy.
Lindsay Lohan is being sued for assault and negligence by a woman who was in the car Lohan allegedly chased while allegedly drunk last allegedly month.
If anyone should sue, it should be the people who bought tickets to her last movie!
The real challenge is going to be keeping her out of rehab long enough to go to trial.
Big news today: someone found something from China that had absolutely no lead in it! The really weird part: it was a pencil.
Because of a dwindling population, the Russian region of Ulyanovsk has declared September 12th a "Day of Conception." A day that workers are asked to say "Screw work!" and then keep going.
A new $1 U.S. coin went into circulation yesterday. It features a profile of Jefferson on the front and Weezy on the back.
Britain's Prince Charles is said to be inconsolable over the death of his favorite tree. And you thought you had problems.
Mattel is recalling 9 million toys because they may be dangerous. The ones you especially need to watch out for: "Barbie's first switchblade" and "Cripple me Elmo."
A couple in Connecticut say that the image of Jesus appears on one of their kitchen cabinets. Isn't that just the way it is? You have a whole house and everyone always gathers in the kitchen.
TOP FIVE UNLIKELY NAMES FOR SEQUELS TO THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM
1. "Bourne in a log cabin"
2. "Bourne and Bread"
3. "Bourne with a Silver Spoon in his Mouth"
4. "Wasn't Bourne Yesterday"
5. "Bourne at night, but not last night"
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim