This Week's Wacks

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October 19th, 2007

Al Gore has won the Nobel Peace Prize. What made the victory even sweeter is that the votes were tallied in the small town of Florida, Norway.

A Dutch scientist says he sees the day when people will actually marry robots. The life of a Dutch scientist must be a lonely existence.

Some day, people could marry robots. When Tipper Gore heard the story, the first thing she said was, "Some day?"

This could result in the very popular phrase, "Not tonight, honey, I have a low battery."

Scientists say that they've discovered bacteria in people that causes them to crave chocolate. They added that the bacteria is really good when dipped in chocolate.

Drew Carey is engaged to Nicole Jaracz, a recent graduate of culinary school. Apparently, the price was right.

The number one movie in America is titled "Why did I get married?" And the amazing part: it had nothing to do with Britney Spears.

Fox has launched it's own cable news channel. Their slogan: 100% Lou Dobbs free.

This is "National Teen Driver Safety week. Remember kids, "Don't be a Lohan."

Seems like I'm seeing a lot of "Impeach Bush" signs lately. If you're one of those people, I'd just like to ask you a quick question: "So President Dick Cheney sounds like a better alternative?"

There's a new tell-all book about the life of "Peanuts" cartoonist Charles Schulz. Not surprising that it was written by Snoopy.

The price of a barrel of oil hit an all-time of $86. Good thing our cars use gas instead of oil.

Vatican TV is showing a picture of a bonfire in which an image of Pope John Paul the 2nd appears in the flames. Several witnesses also claim that they thought they heard a roaring voice, saying "Fire Charlie Weiss!"

Britney Spears held auditions for dancers on Monday for her upcoming concert tour. Early reports indicate that she didn't marry any of them.

Britney Spears has turned herself in to Los Angeles police on hit and run charges and driving without a license. "Oops, I did it again" is too easy a punch line. Think of another one.

Taco Bell is opening their first-ever store in Mexico City. Most of the reaction expected has been, "What the heck is this stuff?"

Britney Spears turned herself into police wearing a pink wig. In a related story, Pink turned herself into police wearing a Britney wig. Needless to say, it was confusing.

Britney Spears surrendered herself... earning her honorary citizenship in France.

While Al Gore is getting all the publicity, a scientist has also won a Nobel Peace Prize for exploring how iron rusts. He beat out the guys who explained how grass grows and another for his theory on why paint dries.

Angelina Jolie had advice for Ellen DeGeneres today. She told Ellen, "Don't mess with dogs. Just stick with kids."

A man is claiming that Sean "Puffy" Combs punched him at a nightclub last weekend. If confirmed, it would be Puffy's first hit in years.

A guy who is part of Israel's bedouin community says he wants to marry a 9th wife and has already fathered 67 kids. His name is Shahadeh Abu Arrar, which is Arabic for "Please, just shoot me."

A giant windstorm hit the Seattle area Thursday night. Actually, the truth of the matter is... it wasn't a windstorm: it was the Seahawks sucking.

Senator John McCain has had his mother join him on the campaign trail. You know what that means: all you other Republicans, stop picking on him!

The United States saluted the Dalai Lama this week. The Tibetan holy man said he appreciated the honor and would continue working on world peace, universal harmony and getting Ellen's dog back.

We found out why China doesn't like the Dalai Lama. Sure, there are political reasons, but it's mostly because he doesn't have any lead in him.


  1. Hello Dalai
  2. Are you really a llama?
  3. Wanna bet? Get it? Tibet?
  4. You know, they say orange makes you look fat.
  5. I'm hungry. Wanna order Chinese?