Before the laughs, a quick salute to Captain Radio, better known as Larry Nelson, who passed away this week at age 70. Of course, way too soon, but Larry wedged in more life during his 70 years than anyone could have imagined. He loved to laugh, to look you in the eye and smile...and he's hands-down the most influential person ever when it comes to my radio career. Check out the one hour salute KOMO radio put together for him by clicking here.
Enjoy your rest, Lar, you deserve it.
And now, back to the jokes:
Britney Spears was not in the news last Thursday and for that, we gave thanks.
President Bush called the troops in Iraq last Thursday for a holiday greeting. After all, what's Thanksgiving without a turkey?
The crowds at the malls are getting fierce. In fact, at (local mall) chains are now required.
Kids today have it so easy. When I was a kid, all we ever got for Christmas was lead.
In case it makes you feel better, Britney Spears has hired a driver. I would have been happy if she had just hired a buckler.
The Dalai Lama is said to be considering who might succeed him. Word is he's already down to two finalists: Conan O'Brien or Regis.
Ted Kennedy has received an $8 million advance for writing his memoirs. One title already ruled out for the book: "Water Under the Bridge."
The Steelers beat the Dolphins, 3-0, in the lowest scoring Monday Night Football game of all time! Man, that writers' strike is really taking it's toll.
The game was so boring, most fans switched over to watch a presidential debate!
According to new statistics, an Egyptian couple files for divorce every six minutes. That couple sounds pretty temperamental.
In San Francisco, they're talking about a ban on fireplaces. But don't worry about the impact on Christmas. In the Bay area, Santa doesn't come down the chimney; he comes out of the closet.
A new study says that Americans need 8 hours of sleep. I get that. I just spread it out over two days.
In Florida, a man had part of his tongue bit off by an angry girlfriend. When asked how he felt, the man replied, "I'm thore."
In one respect, I guess he could thankful it was his tongue.
This year, it would cost you $78,100 to buy all 364 items in the "12 days of Christmas." That's $10 in Euros.
Carson Daly is taping new shows this week, that will air beginning next week, in spite of the writers' strike. He can probably expect to start getting some very well-written angry letters.
Pierce Brosnan won't be charged for getting into a scuffle with a photographer last month in Malibu... much to the disappointment of the gang over in cell block 37.
I'm not kidding. I had this idea earlier in the week and so I registered whatastupidnameforawebsite.com
A rare enamel-and-gold Faberge egg sold for a record-setting $18.5 million at auction Wednesday. Geez, just imagine what a dozen of those things would cost!
Pamela Anderson says in five more years, she'll retire and head back to Canada. Canada, consider this your official warning.
"24" actress Sarah Wynter is expecting a baby boy in the next couple of months. Once labor pains begin, the following birth is expected to occur in real time.
TOP FIVE REASONS WHY SANTA WEARS A RED SUIT
1. The blue one is at the cleaners
2. Hides those red wine stains really well
3. Washed his white suite with mama's red pajamas on hot