This Week's Wacks

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December 7th, 2007

In Missoula, Montana, a college student has been charged with shoving a pumpkin pie into the face of a mall Santa. Someone didn't get what they wanted last year...

They've figured out that every American owes $30,000 for their share of our current national debt. Oh, I'll just put it on the Visa...

Current estimates are that the national debt is growing at the rate of $1-million a minute. Of course, that means we saved $60-million by switching back to Standard Time, right?

A Montana State University student is being held after hitting a Santa Claus mall Santa in the face with a piece of pumpkin pie. He would have got away with it, but they caught him when he came back with the whipped cream.

In Australia, thieves broke into a warehouse and trucked away 18 tons of Christmas hams. Police say the suspects should be considered canned and honey-baked.

In Houston, right after a student driver passed his test Monday, he crashed the car into the Texas Department of Public Safety building. Even a caveman could tell the teen, "Don't bother calling Geico."

Man, we're getting a lot of rain up here in the Pacific Northwest. At least that's what it said on the newspaper that just floated by.

General Electric is recalling 92,000 microwave ovens. They're the same microwaves that were featured in the documentary, "When Popcorn Attacks"

Snoop Dogg says he isn't letting his daughter date until she's 77. He must have scored some pretty good stuff this month.

A wax Nicole Kidman made its debut today at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in London. Don't even think about it. There are security cameras.

The band Bauhaus is splitting up after 30 years. I'm shocked. I didn't even know they were together.

In Italy, archaeologists have uncovered one of the earliest known examples of a royal throne. Right next to it, a fossilized sports section. Oh, it seems to be a different kind of throne than I was thinking.

Al Franken says he's serious, that his run for a U.S. Senate seat in Minnesota is not a joke and that he wishes people would take him seriously. Oh, that Al, what a kidder.

Kiefer Sutherland has surrendered and begun his 48-day jail sentence for this DUI conviction. That's two "24's worth of days".  Or, in Kiefer's world, 48 seasons.

As if an ordinary jail could hold Jack Bauer.

Greek archaeologists have uncovered the remains of dwarf hippopotamus on the island of Crete.  They named the discoveries, Sleepy, Hefty, Tubby, Chubby, Blimpy and Doc.

Krispy Kreme lost money again in the third quarter.  The CEO said the key is going to be keeping the company lean and mean, and their customers not.

A government panel says that Iran's nuclear program was stopped back in 2003, right around the time "According to Jim" quit being funny.


   1. They've all got new Herbie tattoos
   2. For fun, they decided to reverse curl their toes
   3. Instead of carols, all singing "Short People"
   4. Asked new guy to make only left-handed tennis rackets
   5. Demand to talk about working conditions with "Canta Slaus"


   1. Carrot Nose
   2. Gary Coldman
   3. Betty White-out
   4. Melting Gibson
   5. Frosty the Showman

                                       LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Tim