This Week's Wacks

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January 25th, 2008

Hey, we're exactly 11 months away from Christmas!

Chess icon Bobby Fisher has died at age 64. He actually passed away several days ago, but the guy playing against him thought he was thinking about his next move.

Jack Nicholson says that he's looking for a lady. So, when did he stop?

Kiefer Sutherland is expected to go home from jail today. The world is once again a safer place, 24 hours at a time.

We now know the name of the woman who posed for the Mona Lisa. Her name was Lisa Del Giacondo. They were able to track her down through her Blockbuster card.

Osama bin Laden's son announced last week that he wants to be a peace activist. His parents are trying to figure out where they went right.

When moderator Brian Williams asked the Democratic candidates to name their greatest weaknesses last week, Barack Obama admitted he kept a messy desk. Hillary Clinton said she had a tough time keeping it clear underneath her husband's desk.

A psychologist says he came up with a mathematical formula and that by his calculations, this past Monday was the most depressing day of the year. Especially if you were a Green Bay or San Diego fan.

McDonald's says in the near future, they'll have robots preparing their food. The trick is perfecting a robot with authentic-looking acne.

Boy, this writers' strike is taking its toll. Today, ABC, NBC, CBS and FOX all announced they had nothing to announce.

William Shatner will NOT be appearing in the new "Star Trek" movie. He had at least hoped to land the role of a small, friendly planet.

I was looking at a picture of "U2" and I figured out how the group got it's name. O.K., that guy Bono, so you must one of the other guys in the group... and you, too... and you, too...

Chess champ Bobby Fisher was buried in Iceland Monday after a two-hour and thirteen minute decision.

Nicole Richie says she used a mirror to watch the birth of her baby daughter. She wore a carnation so she could tell them apart.

Dr. Phil now says he now regrets apologizing for what he said about Britney Spears. It sounds like someone's running out of show topics.

Ice skater Scott Hamilton and his wife welcomed their second son into the world on Monday. The nurses weighing the baby gave him 6.2, 6.5, 6.4, 6.2 and one 7.0

There's hope in the writers strike. The two sides aren't talking to each other yet, but they are passing notes.

A new study says that fewer people are moving to Florida these days. I think they're just on-hold until after the primary election. Who could blame them?

Chuck Norris says that John McCain is too old to be president. Chuck isn't exactly a Karate Kid himself anymore...

McCain said back in his day, when someone made a comment about you like that, they'd buggy whip you.

Saudi Arabia says that later this year, the government is going to lift the ban on women drivers. They're doing it later in the year to give everyone else time to get off the road. (deliver punchline at your own risk)

Those UFO's spotted over Texas last week?  They're now being explained as "military aircraft".  At least, according to General Smelzbub.

Witnesses have said they must have been mistaken and "All hail the mighty Smelzbub".

Al Gore says he's supports gay marriage.  But he also wants to be perfectly clear, he did not invent it….although, there's nothing wrong with inventing it.

In Switzerland, former Vice-President Al Gore warned the World Economic Forum that environmental conditions were not improving as much as they could…and that the conference was almost out of sandwiches.

Rapper Lil' Wayne has been arrested, proving his agent wrong.

An Iraqi police chief was killed in Baghdad by a suicide bomber on Thursday.   Man, who could have THAT coming?

Adam Sandler is asking everyone to stop picking on Tom Cruise.  Adam, here's the deal: you stop making movies, we'll stop picking on Tom Cruise.

Look up on the calendar:  It's a smear!  It's a claim.   It's Super Tuesday!
There, I feel better.


   1. Would have destroyed the Big Apple, but New York Giants defense really held
   2. Monster stopped by writers' strike
   3. Creature really was only looking to meet Seinfeld
   4. Only half of city destroyed by monster; other half by Lindsay Lohan having a bad night
   5. Monster gets dizzy from hand-held camera action

                                       LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?