This Week's Wacks

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February 8th, 2008

Microsoft made an unexpected offer to buy Yahoo! Bill Gates was apparently bored with his aquarium, so it gave him something to do.

Let's be honest, here: we suspected all along that Bill Gates was paying for his Yahoo!

That'll be great! Then we'll be able to search for fixes to Vista in one handy program!

It looks like there will be a "Cloverfield" sequel. Hopefully, for this one, they'll rent a camera tripod.

It's not just "Super Tuesday," it's "Super Fat Mardi Gras Tuesday"!

This week featured "Fat Tuesday" which was naturally followed by "Weight Watchers Wednesday."

Tuesday was "Fat Tuesday" which meant Lent began Wednesday. Barack Obama was hoping you'll give up Hillary for Lent.

Amy Winehouse was moved from a rehab center to a medical clinic due to dehydration. She was still saying, "No! No! No!"

The Chinese New Year began yesterday, as they kicked off the "Year of the Rat." Of course, in America, we call it "Election Year."

Insiders say there's been some movement in the writers' strike. Both sides are said to be holding pens. That was a big first step.

Stayed at the new Pan Pacific hotel in Seattle last weekend and boy, was it all tricked out. The most interesting innovation: weight-sensors in the mini-fridge. If you pick up anything in the fridge, you're automatically billed for that item. My greatest fear was that we would have an earthquake and I would be billed for everything in the fridge, at mini-bar prices!

Boy, New York is sure happy about the Giants. For the rest of the week, the statue of liberty has put down her torch and is holding up the Superbowl trophy.

Super Tuesday. Super Tuesday. All I'm hearing these days is Super Tuesday.  O.K., I'll take the soup!

New York City is going to throw a good old-fashioned ticker-tape parade for their Super Bowl Champions, the New York Giants. Somehow, the Patriots have already gotten a hold of the parade route.

The story was that supermodel had supposedly promised to run naked through New York's Times Square if the Giants beat her boyfriend Tom Brady's New England Patriots in the Super Bowl. She denies now she ever said it. I'm getting close to giving up my spot.

Bobby Knight suddenly resigned as the Texas Tech basketball coach on Monday. Just out of the blue, he decided to just throw in the chair!

Lost in all the Super Bowl hype over the weekend, just in case you missed it, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow on Saturday... and that means the groundhog is forecasting six more weeks of the writers' strike.

They're said to be working on a deal that would send Shaquille O'Neal to the Phoenix Suns. No word on whether Shaq will give up the jockey job.

Lovie Yancey, founder of the Fatburger restaurant chain, has died. Who could have ever seen that coming?
Thus we mark the passing of one of the few restaurant owners named after a character on "Gilligan's Island."

Actor Barry Morse, who played the detective chasing Dr. Richard Kimble in the old "Fugitive" TV series has died at age 89. The even sadder part is, if you're old enough to remember the show, you're also old enough to be next.

Comedy Central says Willie Nelson is going to get the next roast treatment. How about that?--the one in the middle will actually be Willie Nelson!
To keep the whole thing a surprise, they're going to tell Willie after the roast.

A cave discovered in Rome may prove that the story of Romulus and Remus may not have just been a myth! If you don't know your mythology, they were the Ben Affleck and Matt Damon of their time.

The guru of the Beatles, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, has died. Not the same Yogi that was featured in the AFLAC commercials.

Thanks for reading this and not making it the thing you gave up for Lent.


   1. McCain's Able
   2. Vote for Hillary and We'll Pick Up the Bill
   3. Don't be a Schmuckabee. Vote Huckabee.
   4. Get your Mitts on Romney
   5. Want to be calma? Vote Obama

                                       LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?