This Week's Wacks

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February 22nd, 2008

The U.S. government says it's going to shoot a spy satellite out of the sky before it reaches earth. But, they have to wait until later in the week when satellites are in season.

Actually, a more efficient way to take care of that satellite: just send it out hunting with Dick Cheney!

Shot down...crashing to earth... going up in flames... but enough about the Clinton campaign.

The government says that they have to destroy the spy satellite to make sure that it doesn't crash to earth and its secrets become prey to an unfriendly force, like, oh say, "60 minutes."

Today is "Presidents Day," when we honor the people elected to our highest office that always end up with the lowest popularity ratings.

The CW's Monday night comedy, "Girlfriends" is coming to an end after 8 years. I'm shocked: I had no idea there was a sitcom called "Girlfriends." And while we're at it, there's a CW network?

Kosovo has declared it's independence from Serbia. I suppose that's one way to work in a national holiday in February.

The Clinton camp is charging Barack Obama of plagiarism. Obama replied by saying this campaign represents "the best of times and the worst of times."

Tuesday I had to get out and hit all those "After President's Day Sales."

Anyone surprised that Monday was "National Go Out and Check the Mailbox for No Good Reason Day?"

Fidel Castro has stepped down as Cuba's leader and says he is retiring. He is expected to be succeeded by Regis.

It's "Eating Disorder Awareness Week." K103's Bruce Murdock tells me he heard they canceled their banquet.

Frankly, jokes about eating disorders make me lose my appetite... which I find funny... but then I can't eat. And the cycle continues...

People seem edgy lately. Today I saw a couple of garbage collection workers talking trash to each other.

"60 Minutes" did a story this week that said the happiest people on earth are not Americans -- they're Danish! How could you not be happy when your country is named after a pastry?

And for every Starbucks we have, they have an IKEA!

Fidel Castro has announced he's retiring and turning things over to his little brother, Jeb.

The price of a barrel of oil has gone over $100 for the first time. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that's good news.

A meteor was seen streaking through the sky early Tuesday morning in Washington State, with witnesses reporting it crashed somewhere in the eastern Washington desert. Hey, I saw 'The Blob'... I'll let them go first.

Playboy is launching their own energy drink.   For those who want a different kind of bunny that just keeps going and going and going….

The new name of the drink is the "Playboy Energy Drink".  Where do they come up with these crazy names?

The biggest earthquake ever recorded in the country struck Norway on Thursday.  No major damage, but lots of people are reporting aftershocks in their lutefisk.

The U.S. successfully destroyed that falling spy satellite early Thursday morning.  It was shot down faster than Bill Clinton at a convent.

With it's most dire economic forecast yet, the Federal Reserve Board announced today that it's moving to Barbados.

TOP FIVE POSSIBLE NAMES FOR KIRSTIE ALLEY'S NEW WEIGHT-LOSS PROGRAM

   1. "Last Food Standing"
   2. "Jenny Craiglist" (I smell a lawsuit!)
   3. "Three Cheers for Kirstie"
   4. "Starving to the Oldies"
   5. "Carrots! Carrots! Carrots!"

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'RE GETTING FORGETFUL

   1. What list?
   2. You just remembered you were supposed to pick up your wife three years ago
   3. You ate a TV dinner without cooking it... or taking it out of the box
   4. You don't remember the number for "9-1-1"
   5. You went to work and forgot to take your car

                                       LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?                                                                                                                                      
                                                                       Tim