This Week's Wacks

Available on a daily basis through Radio On-line
Click here for a free trial

March 7th, 2008

A barrel of oil reached $103 the other day for the very first time.  That's a dollar for every Tums I need to take after filling up.

Any day now, I'm expecting the models on "Deal or No Deal" to come walking out carrying gas cans.

A new study showed that most of the snowflakes that fall from the sky contain some sort of bacteria. NOW hold out your tongue!

Microsoft has cut the price of it's VISTA operating system by 40%, just in case your computer is running too fast.

VISTA... that stands for "Very Incredibly Slow To Anything."

Los Angeles law says you're only allowed to have a maximum of 3 dogs in your home. Paris Hilton has cut down from 17 dogs, to only 10. Now all we need to do is have someone tell her that 10 is higher than 3.

Boy, I'm out of shape. I think I pulled a muscle Friday just because it was Leap Day.

This coming weekend is the "Spring Ahead" weekend, when we all move our clocks up an hour and gas stations bump their price up a dollar.

When Barack Obama heard someone say "Spring ahead" he told Hillary, "Don't mind if I do!"

Officials in Washington State say a guy asked a friend to shoot him in the shoulder so he could get out of work and avoid a drug test. Sometimes it pays to have a friend who's the vice-president.

Hillary Clinton is said to be under a lot of pressure to drop out. But enough about her marriage.

Jack Nicholson is endorsing Hillary Clinton for president... only because Kobe Bryant's not running.

The Old North Church in Boston has been updated a couple of centuries by being fitted with LED lights. It's now "One if by land, version Two-point-one if by sea."

Simon Cowell says it was an insult that he was offered $2 million to be a spokesperson for Viagra. So insult me.

India is committing $13 million to saving the tigers. I didn't even know they were Detroit fans!

Tuesday was Barack Obama and Bill Clinton's worst nightmare: just when you thought Hillary was gone, she came back!

Hillary Clinton picked up a lot of delegates in the primary election Tuesday... while her husband Bill only picked up two at a post-election party.

"American Idol" semifinalist David Hernandez will get to stay in spite of the fact he used to be a male nude stripper. He's been receiving lots of support, although most of it from women holding $1 bills.

Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre has announced his retirement. He plans to spend the rest of his life trying to figure out why his last name isn't pronounced "favor."

The bad news: One gas station in California has gasoline for sale at $5.39 a gallon!  The good news: no lines!

You what this country needs? Costco selling barrels of oil, so we could get 'em cheaper!

The American dollar continues to stumble. The Euro is now worth $1.53! In fact, the U.S. dollar has just dropped to "below Charmin."

John McCain's presidential campaign suffered a setback on Wednesday: President Bush endorsed him.

A new study says that men who do housework usually get more sex than men who don't. I get around it by using Lemon Pledge instead of aftershave.

The city of South Pasadena, California, has declared the first week of March "No Cussing" week in the city. Jimmy Kimmel won't be taking Ben Affleck there any time soon.


   1. All the cave men are insured by Geico
   2. Saber-tooth tiger wearing clear braces to correct overbite
   3. Inventors of wheel actually preferred Coors Light
   4. Fire departments were extremely bored
   5. All the PETA members had to run around naked

                                       LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?