A Michigan congressman is proposing a 50-cent-a-gallon tax increase on gasoline to help slow consumption. I would be fine with that, as long as all the money went into a beer fund.
A new survey shows that beer drinkers prefer John McCain to Hillary Clinton... but mostly around closing time.
Monday was the day I was waiting for: half-price Easter candy!
In other words: Cheap Peeps!
A new study says that spending as little as $5 a day on someone else could significantly boost happiness. Unless, of course, it's your wedding anniversary.
Let he who is without Easter leftovers cast out the first egg salad sandwich.
Wow, baseball season officially begins next week. And you know what THAT means: we're that much closer to the beginning of football season!
Former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer has reportedly entered therapy for a sex addiction. To no one's surprise, the sex therapist is putting a down payment on a Lamborghini.
A guy in Perth, Australia, is recreating Stonehenge. Better let Chevy Chase know so we can start filming, "National Lampoon's Australian Vacation."
Now the new governor of New York is admitting he smoked pot and experimented with cocaine back in his 20s. Wouldn't this all be faster if he just let us know what he hasn't done?
The Department of Justice has approved the merger of the two big satellite radio companies, XM and Sirius. This will allow you to not listen to both companies at the same time.
A new survey of school children in Britain reveals that one third of the kids believe Winston Churchill was the first man to walk on the moon. Ha! Everyone knows that was Neil Sedaka.
Denise Richards has legally reclaimed her maiden name. Yes, she's lost that Sheen.
Hillary Clinton says she went to the grocery store today... ducking from sniper fire... no welcome ceremony... barely got out of there with milk.
Hillary's memory of her Bosnia trip was much different than the CBS version. However, it wasn't completely without any dangers: During the official welcoming ceremony, the little girl did have a really nasty cold.
The New England Historic Genealogical Society says that Barack Obama is a distant cousin of actor Brad Pitt and Hillary Clinton is distantly related to Angelina Jolie. Oh yeah: and Dick Cheney is Megatron's step-brother.
John McCain says that his record will back up his claim that he's a peace-maker. For the most part, he's had a lot of success stories... except for that time he couldn't work out things between Cain and Abel.
Herb Peterson has died at age 89. He's the guy who invented the Egg McMuffin and leaves behind a legacy that will live on in love handles everywhere.
Of course, the Egg McMuffin was the answer to the often-asked question, "How can I possibly consume a day's worth of calories at breakfast?"
Anthropologists say they've discovered the oldest human fossil on record, estimated to be 1.2 million years old. John McCain says he remembers the guy.
Now that Easter's over....
TOP FIVE THINGS ON THE EASTER BUNNY'S "TO DO" LIST
1. Open a lawn repair service, called "The Reseeding Hare"
2. Talk to a shrink about his fear of eggs
3. Get his cousin to send up some Cuban carrots
4. Go somewhere else this year for vacation, other than Easter Island