This Week's Wacks

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April 4th, 2008

How quickly things change. I started out with the month with "March Madness" and now I'm down to "Bummed about my brackets."

Al Gore said on "60 Minutes" that if you doubt there's global warming, it's like believing that the world is flat. The world is NOT flat... however, most of the contestants the first few weeks of "American Idol" ARE.

Do you open your pranks on April Fool's Eve or April Fool's morning?

Some people really don't like April Fool's Day pranks. They're the most fun.

Gas is $3.75 a gallon! April Fuels!

Al Gore appeared on "60 Minutes" Sunday night. As you may know, he invented minutes.

The Olympic Torch arrived in Beijing Monday, to begin it's around the world run. Even IT complained about having no leg room in coach.

And now, we're down to the final four. Oh, not college basketball: I'm talking about people who give President Bush a positive approval rating.

A new study says that cell phones are more deadly than cigarettes. I just found the phones hard to get lit.

A prince in Saudi Arabia wants to build a building that's one-mile high. I'm just going to assume there will be some kind of club on the top level.

Former vice president Al Gore launched a $300-million advertising campaign on Wednesday to encourage the nation to go "green." The TV and radio commercials make sense, but I don't know if I would have done the skywriting messages.

Wouldn't it have been a lot easier to get everyone to go green back on St. Patrick's Day? It's all in the timing.

Gore said it was appropriate to launch his "go green" campaign in April, since that's when Earth Day rolls around. In fact, Gore said that day he's going to wear his Earth Day suit. Or, at least, that's what I hope he said.

I had a great time on April Fool's Day. Yep, I'm the guy with all those whoopee cushions for sale on E-Bay.

British Scientists say they have combined human DNA with cow eggs. They say they hope to invent a new species that will give you milk and if it can't, will run to the store to get some.

Scientists studying the octopus say that they can have pretty kinky sex lives. Hey, what else are you going to do with all those tentacles?

In an effort to appeal more to male voters, Hillary Clinton announced yesterday that she's planning to watch the "Final Four" this weekend... under sniper fire, of course.

There have been lots of calls for Hillary Clinton to quit, to just give up. She says no -- she's going to catch Bill at it one of these days.

Beyonce` and Jay-Z have taken out a marriage license. Wow, she finally gets to have a last name and it's a letter.

Scientists say they've found a genetic link that causes smokers to light up. By the way, the gene smelled liked an ashtray.

Jerry Seinfeld was in a rollover car accident on Long Island when the brakes on his Fiat went out. Very funny, Puddy.

Jerry said nothing really happened. NBC responded, "Great! We can make a sitcom out of it!"

When asked for a comment, he only had one word to say: "Neuman!"

He said the accident was the result of being distracted by a talking bee that sounded just like him.

Hillary Clinton tried to reach out to regular folks today by visiting a shopping mall. She said while entering an Office Depot, she had to duck and cover from people attacking her with staplers and glue guns.

Barack Obama said today that he would consider having Al Gore in his cabinet... and Jim McGreevey in his closet.


   1. "Don't just cycle: recycle"
   2. "Take the 'oo' out of pollution"
   3. "Let's be fair to the ozone layer"
   4. "Only mean asses ignore greenhouse gasses"
   5. "Stop pulling fingers"

                                       LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?