This Week's Wacks
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May 9th, 2008
A new poll shows President Bush with a 70% disapproval rating, the lowest-ever recorded for a president. The good news: he has a few more months to go even lower!
While the government says there isn't a recession, Home Depot says they're closing 15 of their stores, while Disney is shutting down 98 of their stores. In a related story, President Bush is going to learn how to play the violin and make fires.
Barbara Walters appears on Oprah Tuesday and admits that 30 years ago, she had an affair with U.S. Senator Edward Brooke, who was married at the time. So far, Brooke hasn't admitted the affair. Frankly, I can understand why.
Do you think Roger Clemens looks at Barbara Walters and says to himself, "Man, if she was only 60 years younger"?
Mother's Day is this Sunday. How do you gift-wrap a gallon of gas?
The very first junk e-mail or "spam" went out 30 years ago today! I know that because today I got over 1,000 reminders from a deposed leader in South Africa.
The new movie "Iron Man" let's you get to know the superhero a little better. For example, who knew his nickname back in high school was "Rusty"?
"Iron Man" earned in excess of $100-million over the weekend, which earned the movie the title of "Honorary Oil Company."
Monday was "Cinco de Mayo," which of course meant the following day was "Regretto de Tuesday."
Of course, the big question in Indiana this week: "Hoosier candidate?"
At the Kentucky Derby last weekend, the horse that finished in 2nd place had to be put down. Just as a suggestion, it would bring a whole new intensity to the presidential race. I'm just sayin'...
A man in Illinois wants to legally change his name to "In God We Trust." Guess it could have been something worse, like "Three Dollar Bill."
They asked Amy Winehouse to write a song for the new James Bond movie and she said "No, no, no."
John McCain has launched a Spanish-language website to woo Hispanic voters. I believe the address is El Geezer-O dot com.
They're going over Saddam Hussein's diary that he kept in prison and apparently, the former Iraqi dictator was afraid of contracting AIDS in prison. As you know, they figured out a way for him to avoid that.
A court has granted Britney Spears more time with her sons. Britney says she looks forward to many Happy Hours together with them.
Jason Castro had a tough time on "American Idol" Tuesday night. He actually forgot the lyrics of a Bob Dylan song. When you're forgetting words that Bob Dylan can remember, you're in trouble...
The price of crude oil is once again at an all-time high. Frankly, I could go with the civilized oil if it's cheaper...
There's a new superhero movie coming out for the over-50 crowd, "Low Iron Man."
It now costs the government more than a penny to make a penny. If Ben Franklin were around today, he'd probably say, "A penny saved is 1.7-cents in scrap copper earned".
Hillary Clinton says despite the setbacks, frustrations and disappointments, she's staying in. But enough about her marriage...
A Latin American cell phone company says it's going to start selling the I-Phone later this year….although, they'll be changing the name to the I-Yi-Yi-Yi-Phone.
The Olympic flame made it to the top of Mount Everest on Thursday. This time, it really made the protesters work.
DMX was arrested after speed-enforcement cameras captured him in his bright yellow 1966 Chevrolet going 114 mph on a Phoenix street. Can you believe that? A Chevy going 114 mph?
Lindsay Lohan has a new song out where she sings, "I'm just a little bossy". Well, that's not quite the b-word I had in mind….
Hillary Clinton is hearing from lots of people that it's all over and time to give up. I didn't know she was a Cubs fan.
TOP FIVE SIGNS ITS TIME TO SELL THAT GAS GUZZLER
1. You have to fill up between meals
2. Gas station attendants "high five" when you show up
3. You fill up so often, you just leave the cap off
4. You get a monthly Thank You bouquet from Mobil-Exxon
5. It takes two tanks to reach the grocery store.
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim