This Week's Wacks

Available on a daily basis through Radio On-line
Click here for a free trial

May 23rd, 2008

Angelina Jolie has confirmed she's having twins. Brad Pitt admits this is the first time he's ever had anything to do with twins as infants.

The price of oil continues to go up. They say, in the months ahead, $5 a gallon will be the new $4 a gallon.

In California, opponents of gay marriage say they're going to fight last week's State Supreme Court ruling. They claim that gays do not have the right to be that miserable.

Pope Benedict openly praised virgins for abstaining from sex. He also said to say hello to everyone else at tech support.

Janet Jackson is going to write her life story. The book will come in a cover that accidentally falls off.

Microsoft and Yahoo are in talks together. It's possible they could end up creating a new company called, "Micro Who?"

A Russian billionaire has offered to pay Elton John $5.2-million for a one-hour private concert. $5.2-million is approximately 10 Euros.

France is considering a ban on happy hour to cut back on the country's drinking. Currently, happy hour runs from 6am through 5:59am.

British scientists have been given the go-ahead to create the first half-man/half-animal embryo. This marks the first time this kind of thing has been allowed, if you don't include Jack Black.

Kiefer Sutherland is now officially divorced from his wife of 8 years. She said that constant, "Dong! Dong! Dong!" from the clock just drove her nuts.

Chicago now has the honor of having the highest gasoline prices. It's why I don't drive there to fill up.

Australian animal activists are asking Paul McCartney to get involved in their campaign to save the kangaroo. The note they sent to him said, "Help, I need somebody. Help, not just anybody. Help, you know I need someone. Help me."

Oil jumped to a record $135 a barrel on Thursday. We need to conserve gasoline more than ever... and honey, THAT'S why I didn't mow the lawn.

David won on American Idol. Who could have seen that coming?

So, if David Archuletta's nickname is "Archie"... does that make David Cook's nickname "Cookie"? Or "Edith"?

Shania Twain has announced she's getting a divorce. Apparently her husband Mutt had wandered out of the yard.

Shania sang, "Man, I feel like a woman." Apparently, her husband did, too.

The Wall Street Burger Shop in Lower Manhattan is offering a special gourmet hamburger for $175! It makes it that much easier for my broker to get broker.

NASA plans to land the Phoenix space probe on Mars this Sunday.  Why on Sunday? You don't have to feed the parking meters.

Now someone's predicting that gasoline is headed for $12 a gallon, which is only slightly higher than what Starbucks charges for drip coffee.

What is the price of gas now? I haven't checked for 20 minutes...

The chairman of Exxon Mobil told congress he is shocked and disgusted by today's gas prices. He could have sworn they would have gone higher by now.


   1. You named both your kids "David"...and one's a girl!
   2. You like to Simonize your floors
   3. You begin every sentence with, "If I may be honest" or "Yo, dog"
   4. You can actually understand what Paula Abdul is saying
   5. You decide what's for dinner by having the family vote on their phone


   1. Carbon-dated artifacts actually younger than he is!
   2. AARP sticker on back of Jeep
   3. Leaves his right blinker on throughout entire car chase
   4. Bad guy tries to poison him with tainted Metamucil
   5. Now uses an orthopedic whip

                                       LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?