This Week's Wacks

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May 30th, 2008

Idaho Senator Larry Craig is writing a book.  No doubt it'll be a bathroom book.

I had two traumatic incidents over Memorial Day weekend: when I filled up the car leaving town and when I filled it up again, to come back.

They say the price of gas is effecting vacation plans for a lot of people. I know this year, we're planning a trip across the street to our neighbors.

I went and saw "Indy" over the weekend. I was disappointed. I didn't see Peyton Manning once!

The Phoenix Mars Lander "Discovery" touched down on the red planet Sunday. It was the first time in years that a U.S. spacecraft hand landed on Mars and the first time ever that we had to pay $15 for the luggage.

Russian communists are upset about how they're portrayed in the new Indiana Jones movie... and of course, we all know, Joseph Stalin was really the Carrot Top of his time.

An Australian fisherman landed a 20-foot long, 500-pound squid. It won't be long until his family will be sitting down to dinner and saying, "Calamari, again?"

Officials in California say that gay couples will be able to get married as early as June 14th. That's Flag Day. Yes, I said "flag."

Sharon Stone claims that the earthquakes in China are Karma paying back the country for its treatment of Tibet. I think she knows more and we need to interrogate her.

NASA has landed an exploratory craft on Mars and already they've discovered that land prices there have also dropped 20% over the past year.

The next step is for the spacecraft to do some digging. With any luck, they'll be able to open the pool by 4th of July weekend.

NASA says that, so far, they've had good results from the Mars Lander. It's far less opinionated than their previous models, the Ann Landers.

Oh, sure, the government can take my money in taxes and then send an unmanned vehicle to Mars. How about if we rethink this and work on sending a manned vehicle to California for less than $100?

Former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan has a new behind-the-scenes book coming out next week. The president is not going to like it: not very many pictures, lots of words.

They're already talking about another Indiana Jones movie, in which Harrison Ford will go on another search for a remnant from a past civilization. This time, it'll be John McCain.

Kirsten Dunst says that her stay in rehab had nothing to do with booze or drugs. She's just having a hard time kissing guys unless they're upside down.

In Florida, a man who hired a nude housecleaner found out that the maid stole $40,000 of jewelry while she was in the house. So I'm wondering, "Where'd she keep it?"

Problems up in the Space Station: the toilet broke. They're 13,482 miles away from the nearest rest stop.

Imagine what a plumber would charge for THAT house call!

An Italian composer is going to turn Al Gore's book, "An Inconvenient Truth" into an Opera. But remember, it's not over until the fat lady gets a hybrid.

Kid Rock says he'll never get married again. So, where do I send the thank you note?

Sharon Stone has apologized for her remarks about China. A spokesman for the Chinese government says its karma.

I got my economic stimulus check in the mail today... or as the oil companies like to call it, "their bonus"!


   1. You could get used to it!
   2. One less day of being able to suck up to the boss
   3. "Thank God it's Thursday" just doesn't have the same ring to it
   4. One less day you could possibly work overtime
   5. Not enough bonding time with fellow employees

                                       LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?