This Week's Wacks
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June 20th, 2008
Michael Jackson is going to come out with his own line of clothing. Right now he's trying to figure out a name, since Garanimals was taken.
President Bush met with Pope Benedict last Friday and told his holiness that he loved his eggs.
Taylor Hicks says he's a Jonas Brothers fan. There's so much wrong with that sentence.
United Airlines and US Airways have joined American Airlines in charging $15 to check in a piece of luggage. However, you'll still get the crying baby, the fat guy in the next seat, the snoring salesman and that guy with the personal hygiene issue absolutely free!
This is a big week for same-sex marriages in California. By the way, clarification of terms: a gay marriage is between people of the same gender. Same-sex marriages are what happen after a couple has been married for over ten years. Same sex, same sex, same sex...
A school bus driver in Illinois has legally changed his name to "In God We Trust." Does that make him heads or tails?
Amazing to see how many people knew they were going to be sick on Monday... right after seeing Tiger sink that putt at the U.S. Open on Sunday.
The Lakers beat the Celtics on Sunday and put off elimination for a couple of more days. How Hillary!
David Blaine has announced his next death-defying stunt: he's going to order a BLT with extra tomato. The guy's crazy!
Al Gore has endorsed Barack Obama. After a while, it should wear off.
On Monday, Britain's Queen Elizabeth appointed Prince William a Royal Knight of the Garter. On hand for the ceremony: his dad, Prince Charles, the Earl of Earwax.
I think I've finally figured out something wrong with being Tiger Woods: when you have a three-day weekend, it means you WORK on Monday. But then again, you also win.
The Mets fired their manager, Willie Randolph. He's at home now, writing the Thank You cards.
Did you see what was in the news? A 52-year-old woman is suing Victoria's Secret because she says she was injured while trying on one of their thongs. Fortunately, there were no pictures.
The woman claims a piece of metal flew off and hit her in the eye while she was trying on the thong. Are we sure she was putting it on the right end?
A new report claims that Al Gore's personal electricity use has gone up by 10% over the past year. Well, you know what they say about men with a big carbon footprint, don't ya?
The airlines are starting to charge $15 for bringing along a piece of luggage. That's $5 to handle the bag and a $10 finders' fee.
Al Gore has now endorsed Barack Obama. Who could have seen that coming?
Hundreds of gay couples have been getting married in California, now that gay marriage is legal there. That's also suspected as main reason why the Pottery Barn has had to resort to emergency gift-rationing.
Paula Abdul turned 45 yesterday. Hopefully that fact will make it into her consciousness at some point. There was an embarrassing moment last year at her party when she yelled out, "Oh, my God! The cake's on fire!"
A hotel is suing Phil Spector and his wife for $100,000 in supposedly unpaid bills. I wonder who the lucky guy is that gets to tell him?
Tori Spelling's pug Mimi Larue has died. Wow, there's so much in that sentence that I just don't care about.
According to a Cosmopolitan web poll, 81% of guys say sex isn't the most important part of a relationship. However, according to another poll, 81% of guys admit they lie to web polls.
I've been told that I think about sex too much. I'm sorry, what was I just saying?
Finally, Tiger Woods and I will have the same golf score for the rest of the year.
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR KIDS SHOULD REALLY BE GOING TO SUMMER SCHOOL
1. They look up to Jessica Simpson
2. They use their fingers to count their toes
3. They use their toes to count their fingers
4. When asked to name all 50 states they say, "There are 50?"
5. They thought the Appalachians were made from real apples
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim