This Week's Wacks
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July 11th, 2008
Look at the date! It's 7-11! I also understand that several of the hot dogs on the burner are celebrating their 10th birthday!
In Kentucky, a woman has been arrested for exchanging sex for gasoline. I don't know if it was regular or supreme... or what kind of gas it was.
There are still those rumors about baseball player Alex Rodriguez being seen coming out of Madonna's New York apartment late at night. I call him the "Hanky Panky Yankee."
Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez and his wife have split less than three months after the birth of the couple's second daughter... or, as they say in baseball, "he's been called out at home."
American Airlines may lay off as many as 900 flight attendants. The worst part is that they're going to do it one at a time: "Buh-bye! Buh-bye! Buh-bye!"
Larry Harmon, better known as "Bozo the Clown" has died at age 83. All of his clown friends are expected to attend his funeral in one car.
That guy from Oregon traveled 235 miles in his lawn chair and balloon contraption last weekend, ending up in Idaho. To make it seem more like regular air travel, he charged himself $15 for his luggage and only ate two peanuts.
New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez has been named to the All-Star team. Now, was that for baseball or Madonna?
Madonna's philosophy: Spoil the A-Rod, spare the child.
There are those who think Madonna would never have an affair... and then, there are the rest of us that think she's Kabbalahing his eyes out!
Barack Obama is doing a European tour this month? Are there more primary elections coming up that I didn't know about?
While in Germany, Obama plans to blend in with the German people and is going to temporarily change his name to Braut Obama.
A group of Seventh Day Adventists is calling on Americans to go to their local service stations and pray for lower gas prices. Like we haven't been...
Hey, filling up is a religious experience these days. How many times have you gone to the gas station, seen the price and said, "Oh, my God!"
Iraq announced today that it is going to insist on a timetable for withdrawal. Ironically, so did Alex Rodriguez's wife, Cynthia.
NASA says it won't confirm or deny that there has been sex in space before. Or course, if they want to prevent it, it makes sense that they'd only send astronauts who are married to each other.
A company is going to begin offering weddings in space for $2.3-million. I could just see the bride throwing the bouquet... and it keeps going and going and going...
Space, a good place to get married? I don't know... to me, it lacks atmosphere.
Did you hear about that American Airlines flight in Florida? Passengers got so upset about waiting for the crew to show up and being late, the crew refused to deal with them and the flight was canceled. I guess some passengers were so upset at the crew, they threw both of their peanuts at them!
President Bush is meeting with the G-8 leaders. He says he even wore his G-string. TMI.
That's Jamie Lynn Spears on the cover of OK Magazine with her daughter, Maddie Briann. Just five words of advice, Jamie Lynn: "Stay Away from Aunt Britney!"
Then there's the new FOX series coming this fall: "When Amy Winehouse's Attack!"
A lot of countries are pretty upset that Iran has fired off several test missiles. Iran is blaming the dog.
Barack Obama says he'd be glad to meet with Jesse Jackson, but only after Jesse went through a metal detector.
In Jesse's defense, he only made the remark because he was afraid that Barack Obama had a nut allergy.
Sylvester Stallone's ex, Brigitte Nielsen, 44, is getting a boob job, liposuction, face lift and new teeth on a German television reality show. The name of the show is "Extreme Makeover: Washed-Up Actress Edition."
Iran launched more missiles again today. Barack Obama said the act causes grave concern. John McCain, on the other hand, said he was impressed that a country that age could still be firing off rockets!
The Seattle Mariners cut loose their $50-million disaster, Richie Sexson. Hollywood is already fighting over his life story.
Top Five Possible Titles for the Richie Sexson Life Story:
#5) “For Richie or Poorer”
#4) “Hitless in Seattle”
#3) “Broke Bat Mountain”
#2) “I am not Legend”
#1) “Sexson the Shitty"
Hey, first time in 11 years that I've swore in one of these, if you don't count damn or hell.
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim