This Week's Wacks

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July 18th, 2008

The head of the FCC says that Comcast violated Internet rules. That's Comcastic!

Beijing has asked hotels and restaurants in the city to take dog meat off the menu during of next month's Olympics. Gee, how do you think that makes the cats feel?

Yeah, at least during August, you won't be able to wok the dog.

The Christine Brinkley/Peter Cook divorce trial is over. I guess it's back to my Nora Roberts book.

Michael Jackson says he'd like to collaborate with New Kids On the Block. He said he'd also like to do an album with the group by that name, too.

At a campaign event, John McCain refused to answer any questions about Viagra. Apparently, there were no hard feelings.

The U.S. government is working on a bailout plan for Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. They say this should keep Freddie from going under, but Fannie Mae.

Is it just me, or do Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac sound like the star of a strip show and the emcee? It IS just me.

OK, Bee Gees fans, let's sing: "Fannie, be tender on my loan".

Call me evil, but I'd love to see Barack Obama standing next to Jesse Jackson and then yell out, "Watch out! He's got a knife!" Yep, evil.

Alex Rodriguez is enjoying a couple of days off during the All-Star break so he can focus on baseball.

Meanwhile, Madonna says that she and A-Rod were only taking part in a little "spiritual counseling." A-Rod's wife adjusted her divorce demands to include 50% of his karma.

If you're standing in line at the bank, waiting to get your money, I just thought you should know that Mr. Potter down the street is paying 50 cents on the dollar for your shares.

Just for keeping up with the times, last night during baseball's All-Star game, the announcers kept referring to Yankee Stadium as "the house that Ruth never had foreclosed."

Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman have broken up and gone their separate ways after five years. Matt Damon and Ben Affleck: I hope you're proud of yourselves!

Peter Cook says he's sorry for his affair that cost him his marriage to Christie Brinkley. I think the only words missing from that sentence are "for getting caught having."

The Governor of Georgia thinks guns should be allowed in public areas of the Atlanta Airport. Sure, go ahead... tell me I'm being bumped or that my plane's late.

United Airlines said they'd allow you to pack heat, but they would charge you an additional $15 per weapon.

Nothing like a warning shot to stop that little kid from kicking the back of my seat.

Starbucks has started selling a new line of "nutritional drinks." I'm sure they're reasonably-priced as well.

The dollar is now at an all-time low. It sits just barely above Burger King Backstreet Boys bucks.

Barenaked Ladies singer Steven Page has been arrested on drug charges in upstate New York. Ironically, not a bare naked lady to be seen anywhere.

Jesse Jackson says he was so upset by the New Yorker's Barack Obama cover that he may cut his subscription off!

Vice President Dick Cheney had his annual checkup. His doctor declared him "healthier than Keith Richards!"

There was a close call when one doctor said, "O.K., let's get this autopsy over with."

William Petersen is leaving "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" after 10 years of playing Gil Grissom. He wants to get more into movies, so people will see him on the screen and say, "Wait a minute! Isn't that Grissom?"

Consumer prices went up 1.1% in June. Good thing I was on vacation most of the month.

A rider in the Tour de France has been detained by police, suspected of blood doping. They became suspicious of doping when the rider claimed he was President Bush.

From my radio buddy Dan Murphy in Seattle -- The FBI is now investigating IndyMac bank for possible fraud. Geez, with wacky bank failures like IndyMac, people's money might be safer with Bernie Mac!

On Barack Obama's upcoming trips to Afghanistan, Iraq, Israel, and Europe,
his wife Michelle will NOT be going with him. Oh, sure, now he's trying to
act like a Clinton!

In Tampa Bay, a 94-year-old man has been arrested in a prostitution sting.
Get out your "evidence won't stand up in court" line.

For what it's worth, IndyMac bank has changed it's name to In Denial

American Idol does "Idol Gives Back." We're doing our own version, called
"Wacky Week gives and then takes it back." We figure we'll be able to
afford doing this several times a year.

With all this financial panicking going on, President Bush held a press
conference and told everyone to "take a deep breath." Of course, he never
said anything about exhaling...

We’ve gone from a president who didn’t inhale to one that doesn’t exhale.

Angelina Jolie decided to name her new son Knox because it contains the
letter x just like her other sons Maddox and Pax. I guess that means little
X-Ray Jolie can't be far behind.

Got a couple of friends who got the new I-Phone and they all say there's an
SH and T missing from the name.


   1. Sign in lobby, "Novocain is for sissies"
   2. Offers accidental death policy with every checkup
   3. Asks you to rinse and then spit on him
   4. Since he's fond of outdoors, he prefers to use garden tools
   5. Likes to use Silly Putty for fillings                
                               LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?