This Week's Wacks
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August 15th, 2008
The New York Jets have finalized their deal with quarterback Bret Favre. Of course, the biggest sticking point: the Jets wanted to charge Bret $25 for each bag he was bringing.
Yep, the Green Bay Packers have sent Bret pack-ing... thus, the name,
Olympics are two days away. NBC has taken out an insurance policy for $1-billion in case anything goes wrong at the Olympics. This is the same policy they wish had taken out for "The Michael Richards Show."
The Summer Olympics began Friday in China. The Mayor of Beijing had the honor of using scissors to ceremoniously cut a slice of air.
Wow, what a weekend: the first NFL exhibition games... the Summer Olympics got underway... "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2" hit theaters. Pinch me, I'm dreaming...
The country of Georgia says that it was attacked by Russian war jets! President Bush says he's not looking for another conflict, but we won't let Atlanta fall again!
Clay Aiken has become a father... just as foretold in the book of Revelations...
Over $1500 worth of panties were stolen from a Seattle Victoria's Secret last week... and they have no idea who took them. The suspect is considered hot and dangerous.
Ryan Seacrest has broken up with his girlfriend of three months. Some are shocked that it only lasted three months. Others are surprised it was a girl.
President Bush is visiting China, or as he calls it, "that place named after the fancy dishes."
Paris Hilton is being sued by a movie company that claims she didn't do her part to promote the 2004 comedy, "National Lampoon's Pledge This!" Being as this is the first time I've ever heard of this movie, I'd tend to agree.
You know, if Paris isn't careful, she could lose her job... if she ever gets one.
Sure, Michael Phelps is winning all that gold... but think of how much that extra weight in his luggage is going to cost on the way back!
Firefighters put out a fire that burned for over three hours at Apple Computer headquarters. PC Guy has been picked up for questioning.
The Russians have applied the brakes on their invasion of Georgia. Meanwhile, back here in the U.S., the Jonas Brothers continue their assault and it appears they can't be stopped.
Well, John Edwards is out as a consideration for the vice-president's spot….however, the good news: he's been made an honorary member of the NBA!
An amazing fact about Olympic Gold medalist Michael Phelps: he eats an amazing 12,000 calories a day! Who knew that we had that in common?
So, if I just kept eating and did the complete opposite of my current training regime, I could be the one winning all those medals in China, right?
This is the last year that baseball and softball are going to be part of the Olympics. It's also the last year for John Edwards to be part of the presidential campaign.
Forbes Magazine has ranked America's hardest-drinking cities and Austin, Texas was the winner. They were going to throw a party to celebrate, but that would mean they'd have to stop the current one.
Got my high school class reunion this weekend. It's such a great feeling: all these years later, get together and having my clique not talking to your clique.
Of course, I went on a diet so I could lose a few pounds. I started Wednesday. It's those last 40-pounds that are so tough….
FIVE SPORTS SUGGESTIONS THAT COULD MAKE THE OLYMPICS MORE EXCITING
1. A biathlon combining bean-eating and a torch run
2. 10 laps around Kirstie Alley
3. The Verne Troyer Toss
4. The Larry King Ex-Wives Relay Race
5. Pamela Anderson Jell-O Wrestling
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
PS--Don't miss this week's very important E-Mail of the Week especially if you have a trip to Las Vegas in the near future.