This Week's Wacks
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August 29th, 2008
Tropical Storm Fay has really soaked Florida and ruined lots of homes. John McCain's not sure if one of them is his.
Jerry Seinfeld is teaming up with Bill Gates for some upcoming Microsoft commercials. Can the "Zune Nazi" be far behind?
Tom Arnold's third divorce is now finalized. They really do need to invent some kind of neutering, except for marriages. Oh, wait. Isn't that called "alimony"?
Only in America... where you don't just forgive someone for saying mean and insulting things about you: you make them your vice-presidential candidate.
If you're trying to plan out when you'll watch the Democratic convention, you should know that Wednesday is the day that Barack Obama will pull Hillary's finger and she'll release all of her delegates.
Good news. House sales across the U.S. went up by 3% last month. Oh, wait... no, they sold 3 houses. That's much different.
American Idol is going to add a fourth judge next season, Kara DioGuardi. They hope it gives better balance. Not to the show, just someone to help hold up Paula.
It was between Kara and Judge Judy.
It's true: last Sunday was supposed to be a 'Car-free Day' in Seattle, encouraging people to walk or take the bus rather than drive. But it rained so hard, the day was canceled. Next time: a Boat-Free day!
Former President Bill Clinton is said to be pretty upset at a couple of things at the Democratic National Convention....especially his wife's request that his lap be in plain view at all times.
Several schools of sharks were seen feeding unusually close to the shoreline on Southern California beaches last week. I believe it was for their annual 'Taste of Surfer' celebration.
Of course, most sharks prefer the surfers that don't wear wet suits. That way, you don't have to peel them.
Insiders say that Hillary Clinton is secretly upset that she wasn't chosen as Barack Obama's vice-president and that following the convention, she plans to spend more time at home. That would explain why Bill Clinton is secretly upset.
The new Hannah Montana album will contain a global warming song. I can hardly wait. The title is "I want the earth as green as my bank account."
Beginning today, baseball is going to start using instant replays to rule on controversial home runs. That ought to speed up the game, huh?
A new study shows that cows seem to be able to tell naturally which way is north. I think a compass would still be easier to haul around. "North? Wait a minute, let me get my cow!"
The Democratic National Convention this time around is all about unity. The greatest moment had to be when former President Clinton grabbed the mike again and said, "Why can't we all... just go back to my room?"
Michael Phelps is going to be the host of the season premiere for "Saturday Night Live." Rumors are already circulating that mobsters are offering him money to take a dive.
The Republican National Convention is next week in Minneapolis ... although, they told President Bush it was in Miami.
TOP FIVE SIGNS MICHAEL PHELPS HAS BEEN SWIMMING TOO DARN MUCH
1. Only eats stuff sprinkled on top of water
2. Whenever he's out of water, he flops around
3. Considers eating fish "cannibalism"
4. Only feels comfortable in a school
5. Constantly whistling theme from "Flipper"
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
PS--Don't miss this week's very important E-Mail of the Week especially if you would love to flying right now