This Week's Wacks
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September 12th, 2008
Posters for Angelina Jolie's latest movie, "Wanted" have been banned in Britain for "glamorizing guns." I was looking so much at her, I didn't even notice there were guns.
And for the record, I wasn't carrying a gun...I really was just happy to see her.
Want to know how to predict the winners on Sundays? Just look at my football picks and go with the opposite. It's money in the bank....
Canada's Prime Minister Stephen Harper has dissolved Parliament Sunday and called an early election for October 14th. Hey, can WE do that and just get it over with?
Britney Spears won three M-TV Video Music Awards on Sunday. Her ex-husband Kevin Federline also cleaned up. He put away his last chair around 1am.
I came into this work week a Category 5, but I've already downgraded to a Category 2.
Washington Mutual has fired their CEO. They've also gotten a court-order preventing him from ever saying, "Whoo-hoo!" again.
Barack Obama walked with his kids on Monday to their first day of school. John McCain, meantime, has told his great-great-grandkids to stop asking about his will.
The CEO of Washington Mutual has been fired. What was really cruel is that the board of directors didn't even stop at his house, they just drove through.
There's a new Sarah Palin doll out. It's ready to take over when your John McCain doll breaks.
It's Fashion Week in New York when dozens of models come to town, walk down runways and then split a bagel.
Let this be a lesson: you can't put lipstick on anything in this election and not have it twisted around.
The Old Farmers Almanac is predicting not only a cooler winter, but also cooler temperatures in the decades ahead. They've been making predictions like this since 1792 and John McCain remembers, for the most part, they've been pretty accurate.
While all the alarms have been about global warming, the Old Farmers Almanac says that there are actually decades of global cooling ahead. To which Al Gore said, "Uh, yeah, that too!"
Barack Obama says that John McCain making fun of his "lipstick" comment is nothing more than playground insults. McCain says that Obama is off his teeter-totter.
John McCain's polls are up 4% and no, that is not a Viagra joke.
Hurricane Ike is getting ready to beat up the Texas coast. Any Tina Turner references for the next several days would just be wrong.
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR POLITICAL CAMPAIGN IS IN TROUBLE
1. Endorsed by Andy Dick
2. Can't attend debate: that's my bowling night!
3. Campaign headquarters has unlisted number
4. Accidentally ordered non-sticking bumperstickers
5. Best newspaper endorsement: "Better than nothing"
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week for a profound collection of thoughts.