This Week's Wacks

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October 3rd, 2008

Victoria Beckham says she wears white gloves and socks to bed to help avoid aging. That's probably not all it helps avoid.

The new government agency that guarantees the banks is now called the "FDI-don't-see-how-we're-going-to-pull-this-off"!

President Bush thinks he has a way out of our country's financial crisis. The trick is going to get Paul McCartney to marry the Statue of Liberty.

The house of representatives has voted down the bailout bill. I believe our job is to return the favor in November.

Remember the good old days, when "bailout bill" was something you yelled in the White House when Hillary came home early?

In an interview, Barack Obama forgot which wedding anniversary he celebrates this year. Just shows how quickly you can go from the White House to the Dog House.
To be honest, I forgot which one he was celebrating, too.

An embarrassing moment today for Sarah Palin, when she thought she shot, killed and dressed a moose. It turned out the guy actually belonged to the Elks.

OK, I'm just floating this idea, but what about: McCain/Tina Fey?

Do I want Sarah Palin elected as our next vice-president? Let me put it to you this way: I can see the punchlines from my front yard!

In case you missed it, last Friday was "National Punctuation Day": a day we set aside each year to remind people to have their colon and semicolons checked.

Mathematicians at UCLA have discovered a 13 million-digit prime number, making it the largest known number that the United States isn't paying for...

I watched the first presidential debate and the whole time I'm thinkin'... "He gave up being on the Letterman show for THIS?"

In Michigan, a woman arrested on charges of shoplifting was allegedly found to be hiding 10 DVD's, a Play Station video game, a pair of white tube socks, a black and red bra, a black and red pair of women's underwear with the word "pouty" printed on them, three pairs of size 4T boys underwear and two women's rings. She became nervous when a security guard asked her, "Are those DVD's, a Play Station video game, a pair of white tube socks, a black and red bra, a black and red pair of women's underwear with the word "pouty" printed on them, three pairs of size 4T boys underwear and two women's rings under your clothes, or are you just happy to see me?"

A West Virginia man has been charged with battery on a police officer after he passed gas on him during a DUI stop. The officer had warned him: you have the right to use silence.

Actually, an update on that story: the charges have been dropped. The arresting officer said he was just pullin' the guy's finger...

Chuck Norris says that Sarah Palin would make a great president. I'll let you argue with him. I suppose it would be in the same way that Chuck Norris would make a great actor.

Three Chinese astronauts conducted a space walk last Friday. That's walk, not wok.

JP Morgan is apparently going to buy Washington Mutual. Folks at WAMU are relieved: they were this close to being adopted by Angelina Jolie.

A Chicago woman has bought an abandoned home in Saginaw, Michigan, for $1.75.  She's hoping to get a small condo with the change.

Paying $1.75 for an entire house!  That's going to make it tough for those of us hoping to get $3.

Britney Spears donated $10,000 to the music program of an elementary school in New York….just in case she had ever done a porn movie with any of the faculty.

The Senate passed a $700-billion version of the bailout plan.  Remember, it WAS $750-billion.  You know, you cut out a billion here, a billion there….and after a while, that could start to add up!


   1. Halle Berry
   2. Pecan Doleezza Rice
   3. French Vanessa Williams
   4. Angelina Jolie Molie
   5. Jennifer Anifun


   1. I was doing a list?
   2. You don't recognize anybody in the family photo album
   3. Third day this week you forgot to wear pants
   4. You always say "Thank God it's Friday" on Saturday
   5. You forgot the Alamo.


   1. You're robbed at the drive through window by the teller
   2. New slogan is "We could go at any minute"
   3. The word 'safe' is crossed out at the safe deposit boxes
   4. Bank president arrives at work with suitcase
   5. Deposit slips everywhere, not one withdrawal slip

                               LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?                                                                                                                                      

PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week to see what the punsters have to say about the banking crisis