This Week's Wacks
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October 10th, 2008
Dancing With the Stars champ Helio Castroneves has been indicted on tax evasion and tax fraud charges. If convicted, he'll get a brand-new partner, who won't be a star or a dancer.
In the Simpsons episode that airs November 2nd, Homer endorses Obama but votes for McCain. I'm still going to wait until I hear who Moe the Bartender supports.
There was a big John McCain fundraiser in Hollywood the other night and they had a great turnout: both Republicans showed up.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has told the U.S. Treasury Secretary that his state may need to borrow $7-billion in the next several weeks or, (in your best Schwarzenegger) "I'll be broke!"
So, I'm curious... if we just let California go bankrupt, does it go back to Mexico? Wait a minute, maybe it already has!
Scientists say that there have been no sunspots on the sun for the last 200 days. They're assuming that it changed dishwashing soaps.
Former American Idol contestant LaKisha Jones was married over the weekend. Guests included fellow contestant Sanjaya who, as a special treat for the bride and groom, didn't sing.
Larry Flynt announced he's making a porn movie with a Sarah Palin look-alike. He was also going to use a John McCain look-alike, but most of those actors have only worked in silent movies.
Went and saw a local standup comic over the weekend. Don't remember his name, but do remember the joke: I'm on two diets right now. Yeah, with one, I wasn't getting enough food.
The museum in Missouri that claimed Elvis Presley is still alive has apparently gone out of business. "Ladies and Gentlemen, the building has left Elvis."
David Duchovny has checked out of that rehab center where he was being treated for a "sex addiction." Frankly, I'm kinda fond of the stuff myself.
You're married to Tea Leoni and you develop a sex addiction. Man, who could have seen that one coming?
Singer Dolly Parton says that she and Sarah Palin are "very much alike." I still think Tina Fey is a lot closer.
North Korean leader Kim Jong-il has been spotted in public for the first time in six months. If he saw his shadow, it will mean 6 more months of tyranny.
A survey of over 2,000 men found that 89 percent would rather women keep their natural breasts than spend money on fakes. Meanwhile, another survey of those same 2,000 men found that 100% of men are liars.
Astronomers say they have identified an asteroid that has a collision course with earth that probably landed in the Sudan desert on Monday. Quick reactions.
Hugh Hefner and his #1 girl Holly are said to have broken up. Of course, that's only a 33% drop in girlfriends, so he'll be OK.
They had a presidential debate on Tuesday night. To try and drum up more viewers, they had promoted it as "Dancing around the issues with the stars!"
Esquire magazine has named Halle Berry the sexiest woman alive. I've been trying to present my own version of that award to her for years, but that stupid "restraining order" thing always got in the way. That, and frankly, I'm tired of being tasered.
There's a new edition of the Bible called, "Bible Illuminated: The Book" that actually includes a picture of Angelina Jolie. I don't remember that story….
Paris Hilton says that vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin has a nice body and that she should wear a bathing suit more often. This is exciting news for all the Russians who can see Palin from their house.
Sarah Palin has called Tina Fey "a hoot". That's most of the way to a hooter!
Brooke Hogan has turned down an offer to pose for Playboy. She says it's not the right time. When you know what time that will be, can you let me know so I can set my alarm?
63.2-million people tuned in for the second presidential debate this week. And among those who watched, an incredible 77% say they were cured of their insomnia.
By the way, World Zombie Day is October 26th. A great day to give dead flowers to someone.
World Zombie Day. If there was ever an event that should sponsored by Viagra, this is it.
We have an update on the Hugh Hefner breakup. He didn't end his relationship with HOLLY Madison. It was DOLLY Madison and it was quite a few years ago.
TOP FIVE MOST FAMOUS SARAH PALIN QUOTES
1. "I believe he picked me, either!"
2. "Can I call you Joe-Joe-Joe?"
3. "Who's Gina Fey?"
4. "I can see my front yard from my front yard!"
5. "Good golly, by heck"!
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week to see a disturbing, yet seasonal scene