This Week's Wacks
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October 23rd, 2008
"Joe the Plumber" continued to give his political opinions the past several days. However, being the weekend, he charged time and a half.
It turns out the man identified as "Joe the Plumber" isn't actually a licensed plumber. In a related story, it turns out that Joe Sickpack's real last name is "2-liter bottle."
The one thing I learned from the last presidential debate. If there's ever a stare-down between Obama and McCain, Obama won't have to wait very long until McCain blinks.
The latest election polls: He's up two, he's down two, he's up three... it sounds like we're trying to keep track of Hugh Hefner's girlfriends.
Andy Dick has pled guilty to a drug charge. Unfortunately, he made that plea while at a bowling alley.
Police in Michigan have arrested a man after he was caught having sex with a vacuum at a car wash. Sure, it sounds crazy, but when was the last time a date only cost you 50-cents?
Fashion critic Mr. Blackwell has died, at age 86. After just a few moments in heaven, he described St. Peter as "a Charlton Heston wanna-be."
Less than two weeks to go to the election. It's kinda like Christmas, except the two people on your list keep telling you why you shouldn't but the other one gifts.
Gwyneth Paltrow says she's helping Madonna through her divorce. Must mean she's setting up the dates with A-Rod.
Now we hear that President Bush tried to crash last weekend's Saturday Night Live appearance by Sarah Palin. Only problem was, he showed up Sunday night.
Tony Braxton was booted off "Dancing with the Stars" this week. With any luck, they'll let her just hang out and occasionally change outfits.
Iran says they've captured two "spy pigeons" near their controversial uranium enrichment facility. So far, the birds haven't talked.
India has launched a spacecraft that will explore the moon's surface. Why do I feel the phrase, "lunar tech support" is right around the corner?
According to the latest polls, 7% of American voters are still undecided. These are the same folks who take an extra half hour to grocery shop because of that grueling paper/plastic decision.
I can't decide whether to call these people 'morons' or 'gluttons for punishment'.
The bad economy has forced Sea World to lay off several whale trainers. It's been a tough year for Wamu, Yahoo and Shamu!
Charlie Sheen and his wife Brooke Mueller have found out they're pregnant….with twin boys! Nurses, lock up your newborns!
Now there are two sons in the family to carry on the family tradition of carrying-on!
Miss Teen Louisiana Lindsey Evans has been stripped of her crown and title following her arrest for marijuana possession and leaving a restaurant without paying. Let that be a lesson to you young people. Whenever you dine and dash, never leave your purse behind with your ID and stash in it.
John McCain says that Barack Obama's tax plan will catch people like Joe the Plumber with his pants down. Aren't they half-way there already? Isn't that some kind of union rule for him?
OK, Barack Obama is starting to wear on me. Every time he speaks, he mentions the word "change". Change, change, change….maybe I'm so sensitive because that's what my 401K is down to: change!
(or, a less political version)
Gas at one gas station nearby is down to $2.79! Of course, so is my 401K!
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR CANDIDATE IS GIVING UP
1. Those aren't rally towels supporters are waving -- they're white flags!
2. New campaign slogan: "Quitters are winners"
3. Song played at every rally -- Marvin Gaye's "Got to give it up!"
4. Shows up to latest press conference in bathrobe
5. Skips latest debate to get a pedicure
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week some Halloween laughs and 200 tools to help you survive the financial crisis!