This Week's Wacks

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October 31st, 2008

Halloween is tonight!  Standard time is this weekend!  So, we're turning the clocks back an hour and turning your diet back around two months.

A survey shows more than half of us have taken our work into the bathroom. Let me just say, my standard policy: if you do any work in the bathroom, I don't wanna see it.

This economy is really hurtin'. Today, the mafia announced that they're laying off seven judges.

Wall Street isn't taking the latest economic news very well. Dow Jones has changed its name to Dour Jones.

This Friday night is the big night when I'm going to dress up and go out. Oh and it's Halloween, too!

You can sure winter is coming up. Leaves are falling, temperatures are cooling, I saw Joe the Plumber the other day wrapping his pipe...

John McCain now declares he's going to surprise everyone and win it! Unfortunately, he was talking about the World Series...

Sarah Palin has said that the election is in now in God's hands. Don't relax too much -- God voted for Al Gore back in 2000.

We fall back to standard time this weekend...making it the longest weekend of the year. All the political commercials on TV make it seem even longer.

CBS has pulled "The Ex List" from their lineup. It's now officially an ex-show. Now you can put it on the list!

Lisa Marie Presley used a psychic to introduce her new twin daughters to her dad, Elvis. Elvis warned her to keep the girls away from Charlie Sheen's upcoming twin boys.

This is the weekend that we turn the clocks back an hour... NOT because of going back to standard time. They just needed time to run even more political ads.

All of the networks are going to show a half-hour Obama show on Wednesday night except for ABC. Instead, they're showing an episode of "Pushing Daisies." I guess they consider that a McCain show.

"Dancing with the Stars" gave Cloris Leachman the orthopedic boot this week.

The Smurfs turn 50 this year! In the words of Grouchy Smurf, "I hate turning 50!"

I don't remember where the Smurfs lived. All I remember is that it's always been a blue state.

The Federal Reserve has cut interest rates to a record-low 1%...which ties it with President Bush in the approval ratings.

Price of gas is falling down, falling down, falling down... gasoline is falling down, Nyeh, Nyeh, OPEC!

From my long-time radio buddy, Skip Tucker: "Some people call me a space cowboy. Some call me the gangster of love. Something tells me this year's Halloween costume still needs a little work."

Friends of Guy Ritchie says he's planning a tell-all movie about his marriage to Madonna, so he can get his side of the story out.  Oh, great--they're going to drag us through that AGAIN?

To add insult to injury, for the part of Madonna, he's going to use Cloris Leachman.

A group of Peruvian faith-healers have endorsed Barack Obama. I don't know about you, but that's the one I was waiting forů..

Got a busy couple of days coming up:  Halloween, the clocks fall back an hour this weekend and next Tuesday, we get to turn back the country 8 years.

TOP FIVE LEAST EFFECTIVE CAMPAIGN SLOGANS

   1. "No one's the one!"
   2. "Just elect me!"
   3. "I'm better than not voting"
   4. "Change. That's what I need for my dollar. Change!"
   5. "A vote for him is a vote against me"

TOP FIVE MOVIES INSPIRED BY THIS PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION

   1. "Changling in the White House-ling"
   2. "Mad at gas cost" (say it quickly)
   3. "Joe the Plumber versus the Volcano"
   4. "Tax Payne"
   5. "McCain and Able"
                               LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?                                                                                                                                      
                                               Tim

PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week with some must-see videos to get you in the voting mood!