This Week's Wacks

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November 14th, 2008

With the stock market continuing to slide, it's time for America to turn to bonds... James Bonds.

Coincidentally, my 401K is now worth 007.

However, I remain shaken... but not stirred.

One thing that will be different about Barack Obama's time in the White House is that there will be young girls running around. It's been a long time since that happened, if you don't include interns.

This last election still doesn't seem quite real yet. I'm waiting for Ashton Kutcher to come out from somewhere and say that we've all been punk'd.

President-elect Barack Obama has announced his transition team. Meanwhile, John McCain is going to get some work done on his car and needs to select a transmission team.

The country of Antigua is going to rename their highest peak "Mount Obama." Meanwhile, a small town in Russia plans to honor Sarah Palin by renaming itself "Front Porch."

The first dog, Barney, bit a White House reporter the other day. Doctors were called in, made a complete examination and just in case you were worried, the dog is fine.

I bought old Ford car the other day. It was a real Maverick.

Sarah Palin says that there are stories about her that are so completely false. For example, the one that claims she didn't know Africa was a continent: completely false. What she didn't know was that her running mate was incontinent. Big difference!

The clothing industry is laying off 10,000 workers. Not because of the recession, but due to the fact Sarah Palin has stopped shopping.

You know who's enjoying a booming business these days? Psychics. People want to know more about their uncertain futures. Man, who could have seen that coming?

Sports Illustrated says that Barack Obama is going to install a basketball court at the White House. Republicans are concerned it will be a very liberal court.

The U.S. Federal Reserve has approved changing the status of American Express from a credit card company to a full-pledged commercial bank. Their new slogan is, "Don't leave home without a bailout!"

Sales at McDonalds have gone up 8.2%. Coincidentally, so have I.

I spaced and completely forgot yesterday was Veterans' Day. I sat around all day waiting for DHL to deliver something I ordered from Circuit City.

The Bush's gave the Obama's a tour of the White House Monday... and, with their AAA membership, the Obama's saved 20% on their tickets.

A prostitution sting in Washington DC netted a secret service agent the other night. Apparently the service he wanted wasn't a secret.

Later, he said he was just throwing his body over the hooker to protect.

If you're keeping score at home, Joe Jonas is now dating Camilla Belle, who starred in the movie, "10,000 BC." Apparently, he likes a very old-fashioned girl...

Sarah Palin says God will decide for her if she's going to run for president in 2012. Well, we know how God voted this time around...

Plans are being made for Barack Obama's inauguration party. One of the first ideas thrown out was having a group of French "Yes we Can-Can" dancers.

Michigan became the latest state to legalize medicinal marijuana on Tuesday.  The fact that voters approved it a week after the election makes me think they've already started using it.

A very conservative Republican congressman from Georgia says he's afraid President-elect Obama is going to create a dictatorship. How dare he say that against our anointed-one!

Scientists have discovered 18,000-year-old bones in the islands of Indonesia that belonged to a Hobbit-like people.  The scientists believe these may be direct ancestors to Danny DeVito.

The drummer for the Jimi Hendrix Experience has been found dead at age 61.  It was said that he was despondent because after all these years, no one knew his name:  just that he was the drummer for the Jimi Hendrix Experience.


   1. Snow White forced to lay off five elves.
   2. On the Jungle Cruise ride, the banks of the river have applied for bailout money
   3. The Matterhorn is even madder
   4. Mickey Mouse joining Donald Duck in not wearing pants
   5. "It's a small world" is now smaller

                               LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?                                                                                                                                      

PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week where we attempt to explain what women really mean.

PSPS--Something new!  It's my very own, long-threatened, now-actually-a-reality blog page.  I look forward to hearing what YOU have to say: Click here