This Week's Wacks

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November 26th, 2008

Getting ready for the holidays and we're drawing names in our family. Got a $50 maximum limit for buying gifts and I'm thinking to myself, "Hmmmmm... now how can I wrap a barrel of oil?"

Remember when the Big 3 Automakers came to congress, asking for money? I just wish one lawmaker would have been thinking enough to say, "Well, I don't know... lemme go talk with my manager."

The Associated Press is cutting 10% of its staff. That's all we know... we've only got 90% of the story.

Just about all the leaves have fallen off the trees. About the only thing still falling is the stock market.

Big news from baseball. Madonna has just traded Guy Ritchie for Alex Rodriguez and a boy-toy to be named later.

How tough is the economy? The Madame of the famous Mustang Ranch in Nevada has laid off 30% of their work force. Makes me shutter to think what those girls might have to do out on the streets.

The new man in Nicolette Sheridan's life: David Spade! If you're keeping score at home, this would be Nicolette's 14th-1/2 boyfriend.

China's ruling Communist Party is blasting the latest Guns N' Roses album as an attack on the Chinese nation. As far as offensiveness goes, the government gave it four stars.

I'm so frustrated. I keep getting these e-mails about a UPS virus and when I open them, my computer stops working so I order a new one. They ship it UPS so when I watch for it with my other computer, it shuts down, so I have to order another one. I've gone through six this week already!

So, let me get this straight: Citibank is now Federal Bank, right?

How about 3D football? Next week's game between the San Diego Chargers and the Oakland Raiders will be broadcast live in 3-D to theaters in Los Angeles, New York and Boston. Imagine the thrill of watching an incomplete pass or a fumble in amazing 3D.

Archaeologists have discovered an elaborate 1800-year-old chariot in Bulgaria. The deluxe bronze chariot was believed to have been used by the leader of the chariot makers when he went to ask the Emperor for a bailout.

President Bush has pardoned 14 convicted criminals and pardoned two people... but yet Jack Bauer is still a wanted man. I just don't get it!

This score just in from the White House: Pardons 14, Commutes 2.

In a magazine interview, Britney Spears says she feels "old and boring"...which is ironic, since I feel she's gotten old and I'm bored with her.

Friday is the day retailers call "Black Friday".  President Bush said that everyone's getting a little too carried away with this Obama thing.

OK, Thanksgiving has come and gone, the Christmas tree lots are openů.but it's not really Christmas until  George Bailey appears before congress, asking them to bail out his 'crummy, old savings and loan'.

They had a giant balloon in this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Parade representing the U.S. banking industry.  It was filled entirely with government air.

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'VE EATEN TOO MUCH ON THANKSGIVING

   1. The guy who always wins the Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest calls to congratulate you on your 
       achievement
   2. Your elastic-waist pants are tight
   3. You wore out three forks
   4. Your pants button just shot off and broke a mirror
   5. Your chair is stuck... on you!


                               LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?                                                                                                                                      
                                               Tim

PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week how to prevent someone from stealing your lunch and Zombie Baseball

PSPS--Something new!  It's my very own, long-threatened, now-actually-a-reality blog page.  I look forward to hearing what YOU have to say: Click here