This Week's Wacks

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December 19th, 2008

Finally went out and cut down a Christmas tree over the weekend. Our neighbors finally went out of town. I don't think anyone saw us.

I finally have my Christmas lights up... from the basement to the garage floor. I'm hoping for the roof by Christmas.

Congress has voted down the Auto Industry bailout plan. But they did it in a nice way, with one of those recordable Hallmark cards.

They've been having record low temperatures in Denver this week. If fact, they say it's so cold, at this Sunday's Bronco's game, they may not even try to start up the Zamboni.

A big cold snap has hit the Midwest. In fact, in Illinois, its so cold the governor was only selling heated seats.

Archaeologists in Europe claim they've found a 2,000-year-old shopping mall. One of the stores was a mummifying shop called, "21 Forever."

Everything inside the ancient mall was fairly well preserved except for the Hickory Farms Beefstick: it was just like brand-new.

That guy who threw his shoes at President Bush in Iraq is in police custody. That's the difference between our two countries: there, when you disapprove of the politician, you throw your shoes at them. Here, you just give them a boot.

President Bush is back in the White House, after being attacked by that reporter over in Iraq. Gee, that just happened a few days and he's already back here. I think I've discovered the secret to getting our troops back home from Iraq: just have them attacked by people with shoes.

Blind groups are really upset at the portrayal of blind New York Governor David Patterson on "Saturday Night Live" last weekend. One group gathered and was protesting in front of Hong's One-Hour Photo, for whatever reason...

Arena Football is cancelling their 2009 season. So, the recession isn't ALL bad.

President Bush invited Miley Cyrus to the White House so that she could help light candles when "Hannikah Montanica" begins. He's getting out just barely in time...

In Florida, a pair of men are charged with armed burglary after allegedly entering a home and demanding... an eggbeater. What some people won't do to avoid cholesterol...

Christmas is next Thursday! Hard to believe it's only 5 more days until I start my shopping.

New York's Governor Patterson is proposing a new budget that includes 88 new fees and taxes... like a tax on downloading music, a movie tax, a sporting event tax. Protesters would be gathering outside the state capitol, but they refuse to pay the protest tax. Wait, isn't that redundant?

The tax that has most people upset is the Tax Tax.

Why not a tax everyone would like to see? Like an A-Rod/Madonna tax.

The Federal Reserve has lowered their benchmark lending rate to its lowest level in history. It's so low... it's actually lower than President Bush's approval rating.

They had snow in Las Vegas and they predict it will stick around for a while.  After all, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

It snowed in Las Vegas!  What were the odds of that happening?  I don't know what they are…but that was the most popular question being asked:  What were the odds?

It's so cold in Vegas, the flashers were just showing digital pictures of themselves.

It's so cold in Vegas, Sigfried was seen snuggling up next to Roy just for the warmth!

A lot of the U.S. is in a cold snap.  New York is getting 6-inches today, Chicago.

In Cleveland, a woman has undergone the first face transplant in the U.S..
If the procedure turns out to be a success, the Governor of Illinois says he wants to be next.

That Iraqi journalist who threw the shoes at Bush says he had planned the attack for months:  waiting for Bush to visit, getting a good seat at the press conference, getting the shoes on sale.

Just as I thought: that journalist who threw his two shoes at President Bush and missed both times? He once pitched for the Seattle Mariners.

This is it: the final weekend of shopping before Christmas.  At most malls, chains are now required….just for self-defense!


   1. Stalk of celery being used as a tiny coat rack
   2. Frankly, I don't want to know what they've been doing in that butter.
   3. "Someone's been using the Jell-O as a trampoline again!"
   4. Groomed ski trails in the ice cream
   5. Tiny footprints in the pudding

                               LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?                                                                                                                                      

PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week for some last-minute Christmas gift ideas and

PSPS--Something new!  It's my very own, long-threatened, now-actually-a-reality blog page.  I look forward to hearing what YOU have to say: Click here