This Week's Wacks

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January 9th, 2009

Well, so much for this year's Gaza vacation.

President Bush's dad, former President George Herbert Walker Bush, says he'd like to see his other son, Jeb, become president some day. OK, that's one vote.

On my list of what this country needs, you wouldn't believe how far down the list that one is.

President-elect Obama's choice for Secretary of Commerce, Bill Richardson, has withdrawn his nomination. He's now going to be a special envoy to pending investigations.

Tom Cruise says that the Church of Scientology helped him get over his dyslexia and become a better rotca.

President-elect Barack Obama dropped off his two kids at their new school yesterday for the first time, so they could work on their spelling, their phonics, their handwriting... oh, wait, no... that was President Bush's day.

A Japanese newspaper reports that Toyota is working on a solar-powered car. Great news for everyone except those living in Seattle.

Great....what if I need to drive somewhere at night? So this means I could never take it to a drive-in movie? What good is it?

Cuba is celebrating their 50th birthday as a country under the Castro family. Fidel's brother, Raul, gave a speech....while the brother and sister team of Donnie & Marie Castro sang a few songs.

Some of the original members of the Grateful Dead are going to do a concert tour. This is exciting news for those of us old enough to remember who haven't already forgotten.

First Lady Laura Bush signed a book deal Monday for her memoirs to come out next year. She plans on doing a special version for her husband, where the pictures aren't already colored in.

When Barack Obama takes the oath of president, he'll begin working with the oldest congress ever assembled. Makes you wonder how many times the Obama girls are going to be told to get off the White House lawn over the next four years?

Despite being up there in age, members of this oldest congress ever assembled say that they'll work tirelessly on the war, the economy and regularity.

They held the World Series of Beer Pong last weekend in Las Vegas. 400 teams competed for $50,000 and a chance to get in the restroom.

Larry Flynt is suing his two nephews for trying to sell adult movies under his name. After all, Flynt's got a reputation. Wait, did I just say that out loud?

President-elect Obama says he has changes planned for the military, including the full acceptance of gays. No more "don't ask, don't tell," just an open acceptance. Of course, military leaders will have to drop certain commands like "bringing up the rear" and "fall out."

President-elect Barack Obama is offering the job of surgeon general to Dr. Sanjay Gupt: yes, the same guy you've seen reporting on CNN and CBS. If he doesn't work out, Obama could always just pick one of the interns from "House."

The latest industry to hit up the government for a bailout: the U.S. PORN industry. They say that if they don't get a government bailout, hard times could mean fewer hard times ahead.

Sony has unveiled their newest ultra-light notebook computer that weighs only 1.4 pounds.  It'll be available in two models, Mary Kate and Ashley.

President-elect Barack Obama and all four living U.S. Presidents met for lunch at the White House the other day.  Of course, with the current economic conditions, it was separate checks, of course.

Oh, to have been a fly on the wall….or an intern under a desk…

One message all of the living presidents shared with Barack Obama:  they all agreed they were glad they weren't him.  That's gotta make him feel special.

The last time all of the living ex-presidents gathered at the White House was back in 1981 when Reagan was president.  That was the time Nixon got after lunch and the silverware fell out of his sleeves.

Mexico is asking citizens to swallow their gum instead of just tossing it down on the ground.  The average square yard of Mexico City sidewalk has 70 blobs of discarded chew.  If only someone would invent something you could throw it away in.  You could call it…uh….a garbage can!

An uproar has broken out in the small Maine town of Vassalboro, where a topless coffee shop wants to open. How do you serve coffee in a topless coffee shop? Very carefully.

"Yes, I'd like a double tall and a cup of coffee, please... "


   1. "Cream? You wouldn't dare!"
   2. "This is the breast coffee I ever had!"
   3. "Yes, one lump"
   4. "No, I didn't notice the color of her eyes, either"
   5. "She reminds me of your mother"
                               LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?                                                                                                                                      

PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week

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